Stupid Ass YouTube News

There was enough stupid ass YouTube news to warrant a post. Where to begin? Oh- NSFW.

1. STARBUCKS FIRES DOUCHE-BARISTA TOO LAZY TO QUIT How about Christopher Cristwell getting fired for a YouTube song? Oh, yeah… the barista was wearing his uniform and bemoaning his job at Starbucks. So we’ll put that into the “too much of a p*ssy to quit” file. Strap some on and just quit — if you’re so miserable you can’t keep it private. You knew what would happen Chris. Not like a damned oversight. 
2. SHITTY BRAIN IMAGES CAPTURED ON VIDEO: Scientists reconstruct images based on what videos people see. Here’s some footage of what the fMRI read (with corresponding input on left). While we’re impressed, we’ll take more notice when the output is the same as the input. Then we’ll know your little machine works. Right now it’s like some lame editing software that produces a “f’ up my video” effect. And hey- aren’t laptops inside an MRI kinda dangerous? Whatever. I didn’t read the methodology because I was too busy gagging on the acid-trip images. Show me some dream images and I’ll be impressed.
3. WORST LEAD EVER BY JOURNALIST COVERING YOUTUBE: “What’s better than a YouTube cat video? How about a 3D YouTube cat video?” Okay that’s a real lead to an article by Chloe Albanesius, “writing” about YouTube’s 3D. We have unconfirmed rumors that Chloe stole the article’s lead from www.GenerateACrappyLead.com, although some report that her inspiration was her 4-year-old niece. What’s better than a childish lead? How about a crappy lead written by a non retarded adult? 

4. 

   CHICK GETS MACED IN NYC: Some woman got maced by cops in NYC then broadcast to world. She probably had it coming. It was some peaceful protest related to women’s equality, so the boys in blue had to keep the angry liberal gals in check. Frankly I would have gone with a sedative spray (tranquilizer dart) because that screaming sure didn’t help.

5. MOSH-UPS for HENSON: Hats off to the epic creators who turned the recent Jim Henson Google image/app into some epic moshups. This is NOT some stupid ass shit. I figured you needed this after all that screaming.