6 New Rules of Marketing: Get Enlightened, Stupid.

Apparently I have to relearn marketing again, which is fine... it wasn't hard the first time.

The coolest thing about marketers are the titles they give their books. Common, right? They’re marketers. What do you expect?

Yep, while marketing and advertising may be dead, the business of proclaiming it even more dead... is booming. Here are the six rules, and as you can see they defy the 6 marketing rules I learned in my MBA (which I’ve added in italics).

Oh- I think it goes without saying that I haven’t read the book, but I am considering adding it to the prized bookshelf of “The Enlightened Stupid Marketer.” At least he embraces book covers over books, right? Is there any irony to the fact that years after shooting that video I’d write a book and, to date, not read it?

  • The Core is Everything (screw the customer, kill or be killed, don’t sleep)

Key chapters: Brand essence is important, customer knows best, your reputation is vital, play nicely, sleep soundly and work fearfully.

  • You Have Nothing Without The Foundation (integrity is for the unemployment line… Ps in 2006 were product, price, piss the customer, and pimp it)

Key chapters: Integrity, single word or symbol, whole is larger than parts, mind your P’s….

  • There Are Many Choices But Only One Customer (there’s a sucker born every minute; it’s easier to find a new customer than try to keep one).

Key chapters: Strategy is the heart and measurement is the blood, frameworks, perception really is your customer’s reality, communication, more than channel surfing.

  • Do the Right Things for the Right Reasons (we watched Wall Street in Ethics class, talked about Walmart, and then all proclaimed: greed is goooood).

Key chapters: Relationships matter, partner, it’s about them not you…

  • Infrastructure is More Than Pipes (in fact, a virtual tributary allows for add-drop multiplexing of subrate traffic… come to think of that, I might have learned that when my boutique web agency was acquired by Qwest Telcom).

Key chapters: Technology is just an enabler, right information, right people, right time… and don’t have wrong thought.

  • Lead And Others Will Follow (be a fast follower… let your competitor take the arrows, then pull them from their body and use them against anyone that tries suing you for stealing their idea; be sure to pluck out their gold fillings… they won’t need them anymore because they’re dead).

Key chapters: Leadership is a verb not noun.

So, yeah. I have to relearn marketing again, but this time there’s not a test (which sucks because I would have cheated off of my friend Mike Skoler). I wonder if my damned MBA comes with a money-back guarantee (It probably does, but the small print says “not valid on days ending with the letter Y”).

For the record, this marketing-satire video (“Enlightened Stupid Marketer”) was indeed shot in a conference room of an employer who shall remain nameless. You’d never know that unless you worked there, so while I maintained the spirit of the no-camera law (confidentiality), I broke the “letter” of the law. More importantly, it was a satire not of my co-workers at the time but of a Coke executive I’d seen a month prior at a conference. Nobody believed me, and a number of people took offense to this (like the guy who sucked my will to live).

The nice thing about this video is that if you’re offended by it, I’ve struck a vulnerability nerve haven’t I? Are ya offended or are you secure in your marketing competencies? Do you see yourself lampooned, or do you giggle at the absurdity occasionally? If your teeth clench while watching, you MAY just have gelatophobia. There’s only one cure. Avoid people unless wearing ear muffs and blinders. Or just keep reading the latest marketing book that proclaims the last guy slightly dumber.

Seth Godin is Wrong About “Ads as Online Tip Jar”

I’ve had a few people tell me they click on my YouTube ads to help make me some money. However the ads are mostly “CPM,” or “cost per thousand.” So the advertiser pays a fixed amount (say $20) for 1,000 InVideo ads regardless of whether people engage or not. The clicks do nothing for me. I jokingly tell them to just hang out for long enough for the InVideo ad to complete rolling (20-30 seconds).

The advertiser typically conducts research to determine if those CPMs were valuable or not — looking at interaction rate, and doing test/control studies to see if/how the ads resulted in a different view or intent.

  • Did you seeing that ad make that brand more attractive to you?
  • Are you more likely to buy the product?
  • Did you buy the product, or planning to?

These questions are answered through studies like “Dynamic Logic” polls on YouTube or other sites. If you see one, take them seriously. Don’t lie, and recognize that it will help the advertiser determine if they’re spending their money wisely. That’s the sustainable requirement to free content online.

I really like Seth Godin’s ideas, and we once interacted when I was trying to get him to speak at Johnson & Johnson (alas our humble public relations budget couldn’t meet his justified speaking fees). His concepts have always inspired and provoked me, so I consider it interesting when the Sethinizer says something so in contraction to what I perceive as a marketing/content creation reality.

Will give you marketing lessons for Adsense tipsVia Online Video Watch, I found a recent Seth Godin (a marketing guru) post on “Ads are the new online tip jar. Had he been running Google ads (where advertisers pay Google and the website publisher a fixed amount per “click” like paid-search ads), Google might have justifiably terminated him for “click fraud.” If I had text ads based on the content of this post and used the terms “sex, lawsuit, digital camera — or other terms that advertisers bid high CPC prices” and I encouraged you to click them, then I’m gaming the system. The advertiser may get clicks, but those clicks are not likely to lead to purchase or material value.

A good advertiser will get brief euphoria about a high click rate, but an evolved marketer will look beyond them.

For instance, I judge all of my search-engine campaigns (for my marketing day job) based on the cost for 3-plus pages (a crude alternative to an overcomplicated “quality page view” method). If I paid $2 to get a visitor and they visited 3 or more pages on my brand website, I’d call that progress. We’re eventually moving to “closed loop” marketing where I can hold each media buy accountable to a “trial” purchase (as measured by unique codes on an downloadable offer). Then I won’t really care about my cost per impression or click. I can judge an ad buy based on what it cost me to generate a new trial for the product. If that’s $20-$50 I’m a happy camper (obviously my product’s lifetime value is worth more than that).

So what I’m getting at is this. The “online tip jar” will, in the short term, help web publishers make some quick money via Google Adwords and other programs. But ultimately if the clickers aren’t purchasing then the advertiser will discover that the ads are hurting them. The particular site is driving up their bid price and they’re paying for clicks that don’t result in page views, perceptions (as rated by Dynamic Logic studies) or purchase intent or transactions.

The Bottom line is this… the online tip jar is a short lived and superficial model.

What matters is that my content (written or video) attracts people that have common and somewhat predictable interests and purchase behaviors. Then I’ve got to align myself with advertisers that sell products that match my audience’s needs, wants and desires. That’s a sustainable win for me, the advertiser and the individuals that watch or read my stuff. Everything else is just “gaming the system.”

You didn’t even read this carefully, did you?
Hold on a second. I’m going to light a fart on fire. There. I’m back.