Tag Archives: stupid marketers agencies viral video hail mary dumb id

10 Tips for a “Viral Video” Hail Mary

idiot.jpgAlright, the “Cheat sheet for marketers interested in online video” didn’t get a lot of views. And frankly I get more people consuming my content in an hour than read this damned blog in a day.

So to hell with you. Here’s what you should do to get viral, stupid marketers and agencies.

  1. Spend an assload of money. Put most of it to banner ads that promote your video, but spend at least $250,000 on the production. Only don’t make it look highly produced. Use a $100 videocamera and crappy lighting.
  2. Don’t worry about what people are saying about your brand. Screw them. Just tell them what they need to know.
  3. Promote, promote, promote. It should feel like a cable TV advertisement. Throw boobs in there to make sure people pass it along.
  4. Target 10 million views. Anything less than that and you’re a friggin’ wimp.
  5. Don’t bother with those that are online-video personalities. Find a good washed-up television personality.
  6. Make it a rap. The kids love raps.
  7. Do something really safe to keep your management happy. Remember- your rise on the corporate latter means putting the customer (your boss and his boss) first.
  8. Steal an idea that works. That “Evolution of Dance” thing was popular. Get MC Hammer to remake it. He’s coming back again.
  9. Be sure your agency knows the space. That means if they’ve ever shot a video to stream on your product site, then they know viral video. It’s that easy.
  10. Measurement is so 2007. It’s all about views and perception. Fake some positive comments to show your boss.