Tag Archives: sex

Advertisers Like “YouTube Safe” Content: So…

Advertisers like safe content, and it won’t be long before media buyers restrict certain YouTube ads to “safe” videos to protect their marketing clients and brands. So now that mama Google allows YouTube partners to note that the video is “safe” (no drugs, no violence, no sex, and no drugs), I’d urge you to code yours accordingly.

I just found my three most-viewed videos representing 50 million of my 160 million views (one is a scary prank, one is “funny“, and the third is “cute“). Then (see below) I rated them “safe” via the content-rating tool YouTube rolled out recently.

YouTube allows advertisers to target videos to ensure ads aren't displayed near strong language, nudity, sex, violence or drugs.

Are advertisers yet targeting content, and serving higher “CPMs” (the cost per impression metric that is the lifeblood of YouTube) around these videos? Don’t know yet, but it seems inevitable. And it took just a few minutes.

I can’t hurt since I am not so ambitious as to stray from generally family-safe content… I think I’ll survive if I just lost some high-CPM preroll ads featuring porn and crack ads. Yes I just said crack.

Hey this post will be good for search-engine discovery. Watch it become one of my most-f’ing viewed posts.

You Spend More Time Watching Online Videos Than Having Sex

laptop versus sex

If you’re an average online-video watcher, then today you’ll watch about 2 videos, and spend 6 minutes doing so. You’ll most likely be on YouTube, but if you’re watching long-form television on Hulu you’re probably skewing the average by watching for much longer per session/view.

People watching online video in the U.S. now watch more than three hours per month, according to new data from Nielsen Online. Studies suggest people, on average, have sex once a week. My sources on sexual frequency and duration are a bit sketchy here, so you can do your own digging.

So, friends, you’re probably watching online-videos for more time each month than you are having sex — depending, of course, on whether you’re one of those 2.7 minute “slam bam thank you mam” YouTube people, or if you prefer the longer forplay of “Hulu-like” engagements.

And I’m not sure all of that online-video viewing is going to help you in the sex department, but it’s a more reliable, albeit often less climaxic, alternative.

Check out Stephen Shankland’s “Online Viewing Clears Three Hours Per Month.”  Neilsen is the source. Do you know how silly that headline will look by the end of the year? First, we’ll have a more difficult time what’s occuring “online” versus “offline” as devices merge. Second, because that three hours will grow dramatically as people begin to consume an episode of Lost (which is, by my crude calculations, roughly the same time it would take to consume about 20 or so short videos on YouTube).

Here are some other notable points from Shanland, and a pretty chart so you can see that YouTube is dominating viewers and videos viewed. But this is going to change when we look at duration spent per site. After all, Hulu has longer-form content, and Yahoo’s 25 million users could, with a little prompting by Yahoo, start watching more video. Hulu has more ad inventory than it has sold, and one can only assume the ad inventory isn’t sufficient for Yahoo to compel its visitors to consume video. Or perpahs Yahoo visitors are busy enjoying display ads and drinking their Tabs or Mr. Pibbs.

  • March viewing rose 13 percent to 191 minutes.   Total video streams viewed increased 9 percent from 8.9 billion to 9.7 billion. And the number of videos per user grew 7 percent from about 70 to 74. 
  • If time spent is going up faster than videos streamed, that means a) we’re tolerating 2.7-minute YouTube clips, or b) Longer form content is skewing the average, and we’re continuing to expect our YouTube clips to be 2-3 minutes. I suspect the latter, but Neilsen and the Shankenizer aren’t saying. video share by website

The market share:

  1. Google’s YouTube continues to dominate the category, with 5.5 billion videos and 89 million people using the service in the U.S.
  2. Hulu is in second place with 348 million videos and 9 million users.
  3. Yahoo is in third place with 232 million videos, but it’s got more users than Hulu, about 25 million users.
  4. Revver is not ranking.

 

YouTube’s Dr. Ruth… But Less Short, German and Smurf-Like

I was very careful in my headline to NOT describe Kicesie (Kicesie’s Closet) – see her also on SexHealthGuru. Rather I’d just contrast her to Dr. Ruth, the pioneer of sex-talk on radio. Kicesie is now bringing this “no beating around the bush” sex advice to YouTube.

I discovered her just now when I was checking my ranking on YouTube… and noticed I’m on top of her at the moment. But I have a feeling she’ll be on top of me pretty soon. She’ll probably stay on top of me too.

Honestly how can I compete with sex advice from a young blond woman? This is enough to make an old, faithful married man blush. Geez- my mom hosted a PBS show called “How to Talk to Your Children About Sex,” back in the 1980s, but it sure wasn’t this kinda stuff!

To be fair, Kicesie isn’t the actual name of the host. According to the YouTube channel page, “Kicesie is science mixed with interpersonal exchange. As a brand, Kicesie is a video production company, a media relations team, a research group and an advertising venue.”

YouTube\'s Dr. Ruth- Kicesie

How to Turn a Viral Video Blunder Into a Public Relations Nightmare

Case study time! You’re a J.C. Penney marketer and you find out that one of your recent advertisements spawned an inappropriate parody that landed on YouTube. The mock ad, in fact, was created by a NYC production company that was working for your advertisement agency (Saatchi & Saatchi). The ad shows teenagers timing themselves going from naked to fully dressed, so they are prepared for the possibility that their parents may catch them having sex. The ad wins a presgitious Cannes Lions Award after being created and, of course, lands on YouTube (here’s a version, but it will soon vanish… search “JC Penny’s speed dating” to find it).

Now the Wall Street Journal is doing a story on the blunder, and you have employees, stockholders, media and customers watching your every move. Do you:

  1. Blame it on Saatchi & Saatchi to absolve your precious J.C. Penney name. Then maybe they’ll blame the event on their production company (Epoch Films) to protect the Saatchi name. The production company will say nothing because it either implicates itself, Saatchi or J.C. Penneys. 
  2. Decline comment. Hope it blows over.
  3. Take responsibility, indicate that the parody of its commercial was in poor judgement, and announce that the company is not yet clear as to whether anyone — in the company, its agency or production company — was knowledgable and responsible for creating or publicizing the spoof. Affirm that an investigation is underway, and that humor about teenage sex is inconsistent with J.C. Penney’s values and the company regrets the fake advertisement.
  4. Buy a new suit at Sears and start interviewing.

I’ll give you a hint. Choice number one is wrong. But that’s what happened, of course.

Men Are Pigs. Pigs Watch Videos.

men like naked videos more than women- newsflashI just spent some time surfing the YouTube “insights” data to see what videos attracted men versus women. Oddly the “First Pregnant Man” was a precise split (50/50). Not surprisingly, more men preferred “Dying Roach.”

But the biggest chasm in gender viewing was “Best of Naked Vlogging.” That fairly popular video (which is the first in weeks that actually has an InVideo ad) was ridiculously skewed. 86 percent of the ~100K viewers have penises while only 14 percent have vaginas.

I totally rigged this post to be jam-packed with perv terms, so you are probably looking for this hot sexy women video. Now piss off, find a nice woman and settle down. You’ll never find joy, love and peace by taking direction from your second brain.

And the rest of you? Don’t be calling me a SxePhil manipulator because you secretly want to link to this page to take advantage of the traffic you’ll get back (and you know you want it, ohhhh yes).

The woman below is StylistBrighton and I met her in London. I’d tell you she’s “thumbnail hot” but I’m happily married, thank you very much.

naked vlogging video youtube

Helicopter Dildo Interrupts Press Conference

It’s been quite a while since I bashed Break.com, and the site has earned new status in my mind. I usually passively review Break.com clips people pass me, but today I went on my own little hunt. I’ve since found this clip documented on Waxy.org (it’s Gary Kasparov, the chess grand master).

Helicopter Dildo viral video of press conferenceI was pleasantly surprised to find this delightful clip of a helicopter dildo disrupting a press conference. I thought it was too perfect to be truly candid, but the reactions (including the security guy that punches the poor flying wiener to its demise) convinced me.

Folks, get yourself your own remote-controlled helicopter dildo and try it yourself. A wedding, funeral or office meeting. The possibilities are endless.

Don’t get me wrong. I love vlogging, collaboration videos, skits and even creative advertisements. But very little can top a flying remote-controlled dildo helicopter buzzing over the heads of annoyed professionals.