Tag Archives: phone

Mobile Phones To Be Banned from All Mobile Locations

I heard something noteworthy on the radio (a once-common method of listening to someone else’s MP3 collection while they spoke quite often and rang a bicycle bell when they thought they were funny). It seems there’s a government-sanctioned effort to tackle mobile drivers with the same vigilance as “Mothers Against Drunk Drivers” (MADD). I’m hoping the former finds a more aspirational acronym.

This morning I’m having a Keurig and I discover Uncle Jeff recounting the 5 first miles of his Atlanta commute; he says “It’s a wonder my brain stem didn’t catch fire, or something.”

Hey I’m with you on stopping idiot drivers even if I’m among them. If I turned into a zombie and couldn’t off myself, I’d hope you’d make me proud and put a Red Rider BB-Gun right to my head. Distracted people can be as bad as drunks on the roads. When I’m not home, I sometimes use those roads to transport my offspring. Besides the genetic desire I have to further my species and bloodline, I wouldn’t want a tombstone with a big iPhone decoration on the top.

Look at this bastard for proof:

Then again. What happens if I’m not listening to the radio (don’t ask because I’ve already explained it to you), an audio book, or someone nag me about how hard I am to get in touch with? I’ll tell you what happens…

If my corpus callasum isn’t a raging inferno, I’m reming.

It doesn’t start as a nap, really. It starts with a dreamy gaze into the converging horizon, accompanied by the sweet rhythmic repetition of the road-side bumps designed, ironically, to jar you into wakefulness. Then the eyelids drop for just a moment, which I allow for some necessary liquidation. How long has it been since I blinked? Better catch up on this one. Yes. Just a moment more.

Woahahhhhh. Drool wipe. Look right and left. Adrenaline high. I’m alive. No crash. How long was I out? Am I crazy? Did I fall asleep for a second or ten? Stay focused on the road… stare at that horizon. How long has it been since I blinked?

So we do need some personal freedom, and some stimulation on long drives. But we also need to impose laws on morons that are so intrigued with the latest text message they forgot one swift move of their fingers can bring about a few tons of impact. It’s a balancing act.

If, in the end, I need to stop mobile calls — even handsfree and brainfree ones — then I’ll do so reluctantly. But in return, I want to see a few things on the next episodes of “Mobil Cops”:


  • Guy with no shirt pulls over his 2010 luxury hybrid, and takes insane dash into adjacent yard. After some shaking-camera action, the suspect is later found by a wheezing officer… hiding under an upside-down plastic toddler pool.
  • Business woman wobbling while shouting at cop, swearing she was “saying the f’ing Rosary” in her car and that’s why her mouth was moving.
  • BMW being followed by squad cars as we see one, two, three cell phones get tossed from passenger window into roadside grass.

Your Cell Can Make Popcorn POP?

Can a mobile phone cook popcorn? Yeah I’m calling BS on this video because the manic “talking over each other” seems contrived. Nonetheless, it was enough to spook my wife, sister, and their friends.

So I feel obliged to spread the rumor (see video), even if Spopes has put that one in the “false” category.

It’s 2009 people. Check Snopes or Urband Legend sites before spreading this stuff.

Online-Video Ad Spend: Optimistic But Still “Sculpting Fog”

Don’t get depressed about the economy folks. Even wrecklessly stupid brands are squeezing old-media spending in favor of paid search, targeted interactive advertising, and … yes… even online video.

Marketing and advertising spend on online video has a good future. Even though it’s a small sliver of online spending and difficult to measure (slicing fog), Uncle Nalts has some ideas for the industry that can help. I’ve even numbered them below, but let’s look at the problem first.

Today’s eMarketer reports that LiveRail (LiveRail is a video ad server, so take this with a grain of salt) estimates 2010 at $1.4 billion, up from a 2008 spend of about $619 million. eMarketer is a bit more conservative (and recently downgraded its forecast), but may not be counting special programs… for instance, it’s hard to measure sponsorships that are unique to a creator or a website. Nonetheless, most agree that online-video represents just 2% of online spending, which is asburdly low. It reminds me of how slow media buyers were to capitalize on paid search in the early 2000s. I need to say that again. It reminds me of how slow media buyers were to capitalize on paid search in the early 2000s.

Daisy Whitney wrote a nice article summarizing the issues with measuring the online-video advertising. Uncle Nalts spoke to Whitney, but she had tossed her phone in the bathtub before he got his points across… Whitney reports that IAB (Interactive Advertising Bureau – see its blog) likes its methodolgy for capturing spending.  IAB measures “digital video commercials” or “TV-like advertisements” that appear before, during or after a variety of content, but not brand integration. “We believe we are capturing the biggest part of a growing market,” said David Doty, senior VP, thought leadership and marketing, at IAB.

Clients for whom Nalts has done promotional videos, or consultingI couldn’t disagree more. By IAB’s definition, I make zero income on online-video advertising. That’s because my YouTube Partner revenue is based on “InVideo” ads that presumably don’t meet IAB’s definition. And certainly the low income CPM-based “display creative” around my videos is not captured in that spend. But as grateful as I am about YouTube sharing advertising revenue, I make far more money through custom videos (aka sponsored videos).

What are sponsored videos? See this page for examples of entertaining videos that have subtle brand messages. My fellow creators do more subtle “product placement” for money, but I haven’t messed with that yet because I fear backlash if I’m not transparent. And I don’t want someone thinking I’m getting paid by Coke if I take a swig in a video. Even though I totally would if my friend Mike at Coke Interactive would throw be a friggin’ bone.

So what do we need to spur further uptake in online-video advertising?

  1. Measure it more precisely to help brands understand how to allocate their spend, and increase online-video advertising from 2% to something closer to 10%.
  2. Conduct more studies that show video advertising works — even if it’s surrounding (gasp) amateur or consumer-generated content.
  3. Encourage experimental marketers who are not only open to new channels, but pressure agencies to identify creative options so they’re not lost in the clutter.
  4. Reward agencies for exploring new vehicles to reach target consumers when they’re engaged in their experience (and not brain dead on the couch). The inventory is there, folks, but we’re not going to solve the problem by hiring stupid CPM media buyers that are recently graduated, hungover and trying to find a new boyfriend.

The Guys That Prank Called Us at 4, 5 and 6 am

Every once in a while someone decides it would be original and cute to prank call us.

In this particular case, the caller woke my family at 4, 5 and 6 am from the phone number 562-322-5116. Apparently the children of AT&T customer Joe Lopez, whose relative Lillian lives at 8119 Golden, Paramount, California 90723. $50K annual income on a $243K house.

It wasn’t even a “is your fridgeorator running?” funny call. Just kids shuffling the phone around like they thought they were NASA scientists for getting me on the phone.

Cell Phone Parody Videos: iPhone, oPhone, Blackberry and Android

It’s July 3, which is annual “bitch about your stupid cell phone day.” Don’t verify that on Wikipedia yet.

So let’s step back, but not rate or compare the Microsoft oPhone, iPhone, Android and Blackberry for a moment. But let’s not debate Mac versus Microsoft versus Google versus Blackberry. It just divides humanity, and that’s what politics are for.

So instead let’s debate not the cell phones but the quality of the video parodies they spawn. Given that I did three of these four, I’ll offer up some unbiased thoughts: And before you bitch about me using this post as “self promotion” read my damned tagline above. It’s my mission in life.

The Microsoft Mobile oPhone video (not mine) was Filet Mignon in a blender. Although it was a bit drawn out, there were a few great gags (the circular message text and the notion of programming for a circle). Nathan Weinberg, who runs the InsideMicrosoft and InsideGoogle blogs, is behind it (see him on YouTube).

 

The iPhone was, as all Nalts videos, was too long. But for a guy with no budget and in a hurry to get to work, that Nalts gets a B plus.

 

The Android video was a collaboration with Slater. I thought it would viralinate more, but in hindsight I think it was a bit too “inside Madison Avenue.” It didn’t help that my good camera was in repair so my part looked and sounded like ass. Slater and his wife cracked me up, though.

 

Finally there’s Blackberry/Crackberry. In retrospect I think most of these gags were too obvious. But it did garner a lot of media attention (a bunch of national networks ripped it… maybe I’ll have a judge audit that) because I released it just before a study confirmed that Blackberry’s are evil.

You know as I look back at Crackberry Blackberry, it got a lot more media attention that views. Counter that with this crappy video I posted last week (“Scary Maze“) which has been viewed 180K times — while Crackberry (now 2 years old) has only about 100K views.

Hey! Nalts is just like a cell-phone provider. Providing crappier quality but getting more business!

Hi, eBaums World

mall prank comedy videoOh, hi. Did you get here from eBaumsWorld? I’m on the homepage with this “Mall Pranks” video. I think I’d have spent more time making it if I knew it was going to keep getting views and features a year or so later. The YouTube version has almost 3 million views for reasons I can’t quite explain.

Anyway, I don’t get too bothered when someone rips my videos and submits them in their name. It’s a little annoying when they make money or don’t credit you, though. The elusive Heishi must have ripped and posted this version. She’s not responding to messages, and since her account was just created days ago it’s probably a lost cause. Still, her piracy got me some homepage coverage so I can’t complain. And the weird thing is that some people recognized me (per the comments). Who’d have thought eBaums and YouTube viewers overlap?

POSTSCRIPT (June 8, 2008): I have to give it to eBaumsWorld. When l33t Dwarf Horses got featured by someone else, they made right by it. And that dandy video did a whooping 1.5 stars out of five. Now they’ve fixed this Mall Prank attribution.