Tag Archives: lame

Crappiest Corporate Holiday eMail Contest: Holiday Spam

Holiday spam time! I’m holding a contest to see who can identify the crappiest holiday e-mail greeting! Can you top these three? It shouldn’t be hard. And you get extra points if you uncover a really bad corporate eGreeting that’s trying to mimic a viral video and does so awkwardly. After all, we’re a video blog here… which means occasionally we talk about video.

Some winning criteria for the WillVideoForFood “Crappiest Corporate eMail Greeting of 2010” award:  a) use the online medium for form over function, b) lack taste and humor, especially if it tries anyway, c) is unpersonalized, d) is self serving, e) it accidentally politically incorrect, f) is obviously providing the least effort possible.

Here are my the three leaders so far. Please put yours in the link, or e-mail me if that’s better. NOTE: remove any codes after & or specific numbers/letters… thus the penny-pinching gifter won’t know who “outed” them. Except in my case I guess.

1) CLIP FART: The anonymous company that sent an e-mail with this ass-face clipart picture. I asked the sales rep if his retarded son drew it, and he said yes… and the son aspired to be a viral video maker. I told him to turn up the retardometer. I’m convinced Tommy (not his real name) just didn’t know how to turn off the auto-greeter via his sales force automation software.

2) MIDI-OGRE This InVivo website a corporate friend sent me because a) you have to download software, and b) while you’re downloading (what is probably spyware) an annoying midi loops. I somehow have two sessions open, and the song is in a weird infinite echo that’s like Santa on acid. I can’t even find the open browser windows and it’s making me insane.

3) CHARIT-INABILITY Thirdly (and I won’t share this for obvious reasons) was the corporate eGreeting that invited me to click on one of three charities. I clicked on one, refreshed and clicked another. So maybe they’re not even tracking (or donating), or else I just tripled their donation and tomorrow may decide to bankrupt them.

What do you have? Special points if it’s a horrible viral-video holiday eGreeting… but it has to be from a company. And go for a stupid-ass pun name like my three to cheese it up even more.

Cheesy Gif I Just Got Reminding Us" Jesus Is the Reason for the Season."

THIS JUST IN 12/21: TheDoctorsChannel’s Sonny and Cher pet parody.

Why I Haven’t Posted a Video in a While (Like You Care)

Why haven’t I posted a video in nearly a week? You decide:

  1. I’m out of ideas. Like Gary Larson, only I was never as funny.
  2. I took Easter off. And can’t get back.
  3. One of my irreverent videos went “viral” in my company, and unintentionally hurt someone’s feeling. I’m keeping a low profile.
  4. I’m too sleepy.
  5. Self deprecating Kevin says my ideas suck.
  6. I’m too busy punching myself in the face because I’m so annoying.
  7. I’ve decided to abandon NaltsGetsFit and do a NaltsEatsShit channel. Live Stickam viewings of my midnight cereal binges.
  8. I’m busy getting Zen with Eckart Tolle, who tells me it’s madness to judge myself by how many subscribers I have. He doesn’t actually say that.
  9. I’m trying to think of a big April’s Fools joke. I can’t find my walk-e-talkies to do “the talking purse.”
  10. I want to give the nation constipation.
  11. If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing.
  12. Insert your own reason here.
  13. Marilyn doesn’t like my blog anymore because it’s not fun and nobody is commenting. So she won’t like my video ideas.
  14. I don’t feel like making room on my hard drive, despite my external drive count reaching 12.
  15. I won’t make another video until Mac gives me a free Mac Air, the cheap bastards.
  16. I tried to learn Final Cut Express, and it’s overwhelming. But I feel like going back to iMovie is a sign of weakness. Like going back to size 38 pants.
  17. There is no 17th excuse.