Here’s that YouTube video of a loyal dog who protected his injured owner after the tsunami. The Japanese newscaster was kind enough to subtitle the dog’s message, but it’s not in English. Don’t worry. I’ve translated it with some modest embellishments.

“I bite your fat ass if you touch my master-son. I is not pleased with tsunamis, I not trusting rescue workers since seeing Katrina coverage, and I especially having caution for muckraking people who call themself journalist. Go forward to gathering some medical supplies for us, and a bowl of fresh fish kibble. If you put this on the Yu Tubing site without my consent I giving you rabies and suing you like angry ice cream man.”