My Appearance on Funny Stuff and Cheese

And here’s today’s episode of “Funny Stuff and Cheese,” the daily 12-12:30 talk show that’s on YouTube and one of the fastest growing iTunes talk/comedy shows.

It’s hosted by “Mompreneur” Renae Christine and Tom Cote, who hosts my favorite Instragram channel featuring Buddy his pug with stuff balanced on his head. You should follow him before you forget.

Renae runs and is the author of the highly rated “Home Business Startup Bible.” Her message to moms is simple: stop being frugal and start making some dough because stay-at-home moms are made of “awesome sauce.” Her Instagram features pictures of her wee ones and food.

Beauty and the Bald. Here’s the show. We eat “Easy Cheese” and banter.


Why My Meetings Are So Boring

Corporate meetings can be such a drag. I recently stumbled via the World Wide Web into the Corporate Entertainer Jeff Civillico, who bungees on a tricycle. Candidly I’m less surprised at this feat as disappointed that all meeting entertainers don’t do this. The next time you’re at a corporate event and they bring in some watered-down softball comedian, scream “bungee on a unicycle, limp d*ck!”

Oh wow… while writing this post I discovered the dude’s performing just miles from me November 3. Anyone want to sneak in and yell aforementioned statement? I want some funny and visceral entertainment. I want that.


Baby Monkey Song (Riding Backwards on Pig)

Here’s the “baby monkey” riding backwards on a pig song on YouTube… the one for which you’ve searched your whole life. You can buy “monkey on pig” song on iTunes too, and I did so just to support the singer (ParryGripp). Note that he’s not riding on a dog, which might have been your impression when you first saw it last fall. It’s clearly a pig, which brings it to a special level of humor. The retro 1970s Partridge Family and Brady Bunch-like arrangement also helps.

To see more of Parry Gripp’s classics, check NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM (the hamster/gerbil), or “Fuzzy, Fuzzy, Cute Cute,” and “Hamster Yawning in Your Face.”

This blog post requires you to sing along. And I can tell if you comply or not.

Staten Island Girls (Katie Perry’s California Girls Parody)

Thumbs up to these gals for their amateur but brilliant Katie Perry satire of California Girls. It’s “Staten Island Girls,” and deliciously skanky and humorous depiction of New Jersey.

Just 5 years ago these gals would have been able to share this with their friends, but now the whole world gets to giggle. Oh wait. Five years ago Katie Perry wasn’t a household name, and these girls were probably playing with Strawberry Shortcake dolls.

My favorite two moments? The gardner hiding his face (criminal record?) and the gas station guy getting caught staring at the booty.

Viral Social Rule #249: Be Careful How You Treat People on Your Way Up

One day during one of the west-coast YouTube events I got a call from one of my YouTube friends Eddie. He hates when I call him Eddie because he goes by TheMightyThor1212, and using the name Eddie might compromise  national friggin’ security.

Eddie knows I’m boo-hooing that I was missing the SanVegasFranAngelosDiegowhatever YouTube meetup and puts me on the phone with a number of YouTube peeps (including a somewhat perplexed LisaNova who kinda pretends she knows who I am, but is really thinking “I hope this bearded dude doesn’t grab my boobies… Nothing tastes as good as thin”).

Then Eddie puts a guy on the phone who has a spark to his voice- yeah a spark like the one that graced Joe Pesci’s tooth on Home Alone. The guy says he’s Shaycarl and I make him repeat the name about 5 times because I honestly wanted to see his videos after hearing this odd sincerity of his voice. I wrote it down and subscribed, but then (and this is unusual for me) I started eating his videos like cereal at midnight. Shay says something about Sxephil having mentioned him, and it got him a bunch of subscribers. I later find this video response to “YouTube is My Wife,” and my nuts still hurt from laughing.

Shay and I have spoken, collabed, and met a few times, and he’s punked me good. But now he’s eclipsed me and is in the YouTube Popular crowd, but not anymore affected by it than Buckley or HappySlip. He’s the rare YouTuber you’d take home to your mama. He’s deeply faithful and not nearly as annoying as I thought he’d be. I thought I’d have to fake laugh in his presence like I was meeting Robin Williams. But it turns out he’s as delicious in person (mind you this was pre-ZZ Top beard).

So this Shay turns out to be a mega star on planet YouTube (find him and his cult-like following at ShayCarl or Shaytards and he steals the show on TheStation). But he still has the sweet heart to reference Uncle Nalts and that book about YouTube Popularity I wrote and published for free on the Internets. Like, Scoob, it’d be worth my time writing that dated eBook if it had .05 percent of a role in taking Shay from a disk jockey gig in some state none of us have heard of (Nevada or Oklahoma or something) to 300 plus subscribers and WWF Dominator of YouTube’s most-popular page.

Of course I can’t take credit, because then I’d have to take responsibility if he ends up getting sucked into the wild life of Venice Beach, and we find his bloated corpse all coked out on a beach like Belushi or Farley, his TV equivalents.

Oh shit I have to write a real book in about 20 days. WTF am I blogging for? Oh yeah- my car’s still warming up. So a long way of saying… be careful how you treat people when you’re hawt because they might eclipse you, and make you proud as an Irish mama.

P.S. Buckley said he saw me at the YouTube 777 gathering but thank God he didn’t approach me. Because I might have been all, like, “yipes! An unpopular gay guy!!! Zipster protect me!!!!” And then he’d never return my e-mails.

Private Voting Moment… Posted for World

Someone will be doing a news story about idiot voters, and they’ll need some b-roll. Here you go. My private vote broadcast to the world. You know, I thought for sure they’d bust me with the camera. So I even had a spare tucked in my pocket. Nobody cared. One lady asked me if I was posting it, and I promised her it wouldn’t end up on TubeYou. Forgot to include that clip, or me telling the volunteer I was only there to offset my wife’s vote.

I’m just glad it’s all over. I’m going to really enjoy the top 100 highest rated videos for the next four years.

In a great moment of irony, Sarah Palin just left me a voicemail while I was typing this. I’m not sure it was really her, though. She didn’t call me buttercup like she normally does.

You know what’s odd? I’ve read 50 comments and it’s as if nobody has yet recognized that I stuck a random shot of me dressed as a black guy in the middle.(Update: YouTube Reviewed spotted it. Be sure to read my comment on the blog if this thumbnail offends you, whitey).

Potty Training Izzy the Chihuahua

but zack, where do i peeee?If you posses the powers to feature a video somewhere, it’s your obligation to honor Izzy. In “Potty Training Izzy,” the Chihuahua dog circles what looks like a giant piece of cheese. She (or he) is nervously holding her morning espresso, hoping to pee in the spot that most pleases her master, Zack Scott.

Zack, who is no doubt dressed as a giant bird while taping this, calmly cleans up Izzy’s spilled pee with a piece of American cheese. Oh- and if that’s not enough, Izzy’s circular motions are echoed by some delightfully repetitive Mexican-hat-like music.

That’s all there is. But that’s all we need. Maybe it’s all we ever needed.

I woke up my wife to make her watch this with my commentary. She hates it when I do that.

Naturally this is part of the cheese playlist. Here’s the embed code for it:

<object width=”480″ height=”385″><param name=”movie” value=””></param><embed src=”” type=”application/x-shockwave-flash” width=”480″ height=”385″></embed></object>

You’re Funnier Than Me

fartDear loyal commenters: You’re funnier than me, but you knew that. I almost always laugh outlout when I read your comments, especially when it’s a response to another comment. Blogging is indeed good for you. While I’m linking to Bitpakkit, you’d better check this post out. And this one. Oh, hell. Just RSS it.

I wish I could figure out how to thread comments so you could reply to an earlier one (and learn to deal with whatever stupid blocking thing is happening according to Marquis and Jan). I can’t wait until blogging is as easy as Twittering (only to find out your twitters took you 50 bucks over your Verizon limit).

Anyway, this post is for my homeslices with hysterical responses to my recent post about long-tail weblebrities. Turns out Ross says I almost made the list of “YouTubers who will never be famous,” but I lost out to Artie. Damnit. Artie is a creator I hate to love and love to hate. I’m perplexed by his popularity, but can’t resist watching.

  1. Brad Wogsland says, “So if you make a million crappy videos, then you can still make money even if only 5 people watch them.” Marquisdejolie replies, “that’s my plan, Brad.” I second that emotion.
  2. Sdavis54 asks, “I’m not on this list, does that mean I will be famous?”
  3. Mark (xlntads) accuses Cracked of “link bating.” Maybe you’ve heard of that, but I had the same reaction the guy had in the preview for Broken Arrow…. “I don’t know what’s more disturbing. That you lost a nuclear weapon or that you have a term for it.”
  4. xJasonGarciax says, “Owww!!! My retinas! Too much verbage. My optic nerves are deteriorating and my brain hurts….” That fart picture is for you, friend.
  5. Here’s Jan’s response. Worthy of a post itself because — as my friend Juan Cordova used to say — “it put me to think.”

What made shaycarl, besides his lovely wife, was sxephil, what made sxephil was zefrank what made zefrank was a timely fluke and finding a nitch that was wide open and having the right instincts to capitalize on it. Are these people talented? That question will always be subjective, the WWF is popular so my answer is, yes, they all have a talent. Are they rich because of it? Doubt it, but for the money it’s a lot more fun than what most people do for a living. When the fun becomes work and the pay doesn’t cover the basics that will change. The important thing in life, like anything, is when you look back and reflect, if you can say, “I learned some stuff; it didn’t pay much, but it was a blast!” Then I’d call that a success. Legacywise, if that’s important to you, purpose is key. Purpose brings quality, but anyone who makes at least an honest effort is guaranteed a footnote in someone’s history book. How many footnotes depends on how much effort and how long the commitment. rant too long? sorry, been caught up in the philosophy debates on youtube. I know, doesn’t that sound like fun!

Damn I gotta pee so bad I’m seeing yellow. Does anyone ever see my secret hyperlink mouseover tags, or is that just going to be an inside joke with myself?