Top-10 User Testimonials for Apple’s iCloud

icloud suck ass from hell

Frustrated with Apple’s beast from hell called iCloud? You’re among friends here. Today we’re curating the most inflammatory customer statements about iCloud I could find.

You see, I just had another “Apple anxiety attack” due to iCloud. But this should be my last (I documented the December nightmare in this “iCloud sucks” post). And I was sure to tag this particular post “iCloud sucks ass from hell” in case anyone’s searching that phrase.

This morning’s irritation: my son and his friend are frantically trying to Facetime each other on their iPads, but the calls are coming to the iPhones of me and the other kid’s mom. As a result, the other mom and I are phoning each other thinking there’s some emergency. And no… the kids’ iPads are not logged into either of our iClouds, so there’s no good reason this is happening.

icloud is 1984 big brother
“Can this be turning into any more insidious, 1984ish situation?” says one iCloud customer.

iCloud, a web-based backup that connects Apple devices, has killed Apple for me and many others. In March I’m giving  my iPhone to one of my kids, and buying an Android. My nerdy friends rave about them. There are two reasons for my departure: a) The iPhone has not been improved consequentially in the last several years, and b) the iCloud implementation was the worst experience I’ve had with technology — and that surpasses computer viruses, crashed hard drives and being disregarded by cable and phone providers.

So I thought I’d calm myself down by assembling my favorite quotes about iCloud courtesy of this  Apple Support thread.

  1. I HATE icloud. How dare they? And market it as innocuous? The arrogance. Seriously.
  2. Apple invaded in my devices and does whatever wants – more than a VIRUS! I can’t get rid off it. .. APPLE what the **** are you doing, making your new software behavour as a parasite!
  3. Total failure, especially if you have spouse, kids, etc on the same Apple account since you keep getting each others stuff on your phone.
  4. Thanks for ruining Christmas, Apple. This Christmas my kids learned about Santa Claus by intercepting my private texts.
  5. I spend more than 5 hours on the phone with several apple support guys to get rid of those many multiple calendar entries on my iPad, but it didn’t help.
  6. My text messages are appearing on all my external devices.  I sold my iPod on ebay and the guy can read all of my messages and respond to them.
  7. A data destroying, heart burning, stomach churning and hours wasting beast called iCloud.
  8. Like an evil spawn of SkyNet and a PC Boot Sector Virus, once iCloud has grabbed your data IT becomes the master of your data.
  9. Can this be turning into any more insidious, 1984ish situation?
  10. I am personally Disgusted by Apple and everything to do with their products and services. Cannot wait to buy a Samsung note (source: Dudechester, iMore forum)

 

YouTube Heroically Guards Against Photosensitive Epilepsy

I was uploading some videos today, and I found a new “YouTube Ratings” check-box. You gotta let them know if you’re uploading a video with strobing or flashing lights.

Got photosensitive epilepsy? Fear not. YouTube's got your back.

It seems YouTube is guarding those people with photosensitive epilepsy. People living with this condition experience epileptiform seizures upon exposure to certain visual stimuli.

I wonder if there’ll soon be a “check here if your video contains any portion of We Can Make It Because of The Burgers and the Fries.”

I Wuv You (pig video)

I love you. No I WUV you. It’s a rainy Friday morning. What else are you going to do? Make a hypnotic and overly cute pig video with your wife’s sqeeked voice. Duh.

Here’s the song “i wuv you” and you have complete rights to use it anyway you wish. Download it, and let me know what you do with it!

Now kids pay attention. This is a desperate attempt to manufacture viral, and comes with great risks. The goal was to squeeze as much cute into 52 seconds, but ensure I spent no more than 1 hour between concept and upload (and that’s counting the custom score). You know my rule… time spent on a video is inversely related to views (my Scary Maze, shot in 25 minutes, is at 23 million). At least I’m transparent.

Weirder Book Comments Anyone?

So the book site (BeyondViral) is pretty darned live for this weeks’ official release.

From now on, if you put your hands in this position you're stealing intellectual property.

Now c’mon WillVideoForFood “backrowers.” You’ve done majestically on Amazon’s ratings. Let’s show David M. Scott (he’s like the Fred of social media) how fun people respond to blogs. He and Steve Garfield helped get me into Wiley’s New Rules for Social Media, and he’s blogged about Beyond Viral. Who’s got some comment humor in him. Rumor has it even Sukatra’s got WVFF access from her phone.

Who wants to read thoughtful reactions to literature? I’m guessing David M. Scott has never experienced a mathematical correction from Alexis (apparently “exponential” is not what I think), a bowel joke from Nutcheese or a Reubnick quip. Jan’s probably got a funky political angle. Here’s hoping Marquisdejolie links back one of his bazaar videos, a term I’d use more often but for Maryln. What ya got Punchy, Zack, Coffin, JimmerSD? How about my sisters and bro? They visit. Really.

I got a few notes that the book is in stores, which tells me either:

  • This isn’t some elaborate prank on me, or a dream.
  • Or that I’m still dreaming

Wow. I blog in my dreams? That’s kinda lame.

Amazon sent me a gift certificate for free copies, but I think I’m going to use it to buy a remote-controlled airplane toy with a video camera instead.

When Do You Book Your Flight to AdTech?

When do you book your plane flight to AdTech (April) in San Fran?

a) When you commit to speaking

b) When Daisy Whitney reminds you

c) When AdTech puts you on its homepage

d) A week before the event because you forgot

e) Never because you don’t know the difference between LA and SanFran, so you end up driving there

I hope people visit AdTech.com, then wander to my YouTube page and find this video I shot this morning. Then they won’t worry about taking an early flight and missing the closing act.

Ugly Shirt Day: Jan. 15, 2010

I’ve proclaimed it “Ugly Shirt Day” on January 15. There’s not much else going on this month, so why not? Dig into your wardrobe for the nastiest-looking shirt you can find, and e-mail a photo of you wearing it to uglyshirtday@gmail.com. Be sure to name the photo with your username (YouTube or other) so I can credit you. And you never know… someone may want to buy that ugly shirt.

Send it by Wednesday (Jan. 13) if you can. In fact, just go do it now before you forget!

I’ll post the video on January 15 (Friday), so if people give you grief for wearing the shirt that day, you can simply tell them to piss of and do a YouTube search for “Ugly Shirt Day.”

Let the games begin!

Worst Corporate eCard of Holidays

Let’s work together here, people, and see if we can find the worst-ever eCards from corporations. Agencies are especially gifted at providing cheesy holiday eGreetings that damage their brand. Now this one gets some credit for the script and cast, but the awkward direction, editing, and B-grade acting help land itself on the “WVFF Worst Holiday eCard” list.

Anyone else care to nominate one?

Biggest Tool Ever Insults Business Cards & Promises to “Build Crowds”

Who is this turd? Joel Bauer? He’s so insecure and arrogant it’s like driving past an accident scene… you can’t help but watch with horror. “He builds crowds… guaranteed.”

Yeah, Captain Small Penis. You gather crowds. So does a guy with a severed head in his hand, hanging from the 30th floor of a building. And that’s just about as appetizing to watch.

Glad I could share. Thanks Jan. Happy Halloween.