Tag Archives: chicken

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Annoying Orange on a Budget

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Annoying Orange: The Low-Budget Version

I was searching recently for the cost of making a reality show. It seems per episode, the cost can range from $100,000 to a million dollars. Then I wondered if that model needs some desperate “belt tightening.”

Heck even Annoying Orange can be created for less than $100,000. In the satire I did with my kids, you’ll see it can be done for less than $1. Below is the script in case you’d like to read along…

AO: Hey. Hey. Hey Apple.
Apple: What?
AO: What’s wrong with your mouth?
Apple: It’s green screen, dude. We’re on a budget.
AO: Bean jeans? Is it casual Friday?
Apple: Green screen! We can’t afford Adobe Final Premier Cut, so your mouth is green screened.
AO: Oh green. Well Your mama’s so fat when she wears green she looks like a pool table.
Apple: Your mama’s so fat her scale says “to be continued.”
Pineapple: Yo mama’s so fat she wakes up in sections.
AO: Woah- check out your fake mouth Pain Apple. Or should I say poser-Apple?
Pineapple: PINEapple. And Your mama’s so stupid I caught her sticking food stamps in a Coke machine.
Avocado: Hahahaha. Fakest mouth in the kitchen. Fakest mouth in the kitchen. Hey Calvin Kleinapple. Spongebob called. He wants his house back.
AO: Ewww. Half-eaten avocado smells. Sniff. Stinky! What happened to our kitchen? Are we really poor?
Apple: Yes. Your mama’s so poor I saw a pigeon toss her a piece of bread.
AO: Your mama’s so poor people rob her house to practice.
Mini Marshmellow: Well your mama’s so fat she can’t fit in her pants.
AO: (Stares).
AO: Your mama’s so poor, the rainbows in her backyard are black and white.
Cabbage: Black? Why can’t you racists do a poor skit without a black reference? I’m going go back to the food shelter with my shawty and-commodities.
AO: Don’t be a sauerkraut, Cabbage. Hahahaha.
Cabbage: Sauer? Your mama’s so nasty her breast milk is sour.
Leftover Pizza (Laughs with chattered teeth)
Apple: Check it. leftover pizza and chicken wing liked that one.
Cabbage: Hey- You like that pizza and wing boy? I’m a talking cabbage. You’ve seen a red-cabbage. And a winter cabbage. But I bet you aint never seen a talking cabbage.
Apple: Dreamworks called. It wants its lines from Shrek back.
Jalapeno: Did you call me a wet back? Yo mama’s so old when she farted dust came out.
Apple: Oh, Senior Jalapeño. That’s gross and mean.
Jalapeño: Beaner? You call me beaner again and I’ll shiv you.
Mini Marshmellow: What’s a shiv?
Rotton Banana: Hahahaha. Senior Jalapeno’s getting hot.
Jalapeno: Hey Rotton Banana- don’t
Rotton Banana: How do you starve a Mexican? Put their food stamps in their work boots. Ha ha ha ha.
AO: Hey Rotten Banana. Knife!
Jalapeno: Pincho pinto pendadas. Ahhhh!
AO: You hurt his peelings, Jalapeno. Now he’s split.
Mini Marshmellow: What did the banana say to the elephent? Nothing. Elephants can’t talk!
Leftover Pizza (Laughs with chattered teeth)
AO: Look- smelly half eaten avocado’s seed fell out. Let’s plant it and grow a smelly half of an avacado plant!

 

Online Video

Where Did Kate Gosselin Buy Her Chicken Coop? (Video)

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Kate Gosselin got a chicken coop from Horizon Structures on a recent “Kate & 8.” Kate Gosselin (Kate & Eight, Dancing With Stars) lives fairly close by — she in Berks County, PA. and us in Bucks County, PA. While we have little in common beyond kids, we’re now bound by our shed provider. Horizon Structures delivered her chicken coop on this episode (see hysterical interaction between kids, Owner Dave and other Horizon Structures employees.

We’re sad the TLC producers blurred poor Horizon Structures logo from Dave’s truck, but glad they recognized that this stuff makes good TV and video. Mind you, you don’t buy a pool house or chicken coop from Horizon Structures, you join its family (see our video below). I’m quite convinced the company could make a side income of $1000 for simply delivering the structures, and then picking them up the next day. It’s an event.

As it turns out, WifeofNalts hijacked what was supposed to me the Nalts Consulting corporate office… but that’s because I’m doing most of my consulting on site. Still- we bought two. One for bikes and the other for office and pool stuff, and it’s one of those purchases you’re glad you made — even if they spontaniously combusted a few weeks later. It’s not the shed ownership, you see, it’s the experience of receiving one. Like Fruit Cake. Only Fruit Cake is never eaten… just passed along each other, and I think there are only about 50 in circulation.

Hey, Horizon… if you’re ever in the neighborhood dropping off a chicken coop, gazebo or shed, drop us a line. With your permission and the recipient’s, we reckin’ we’ll bring some lawn chairs and lemonade and do some gandering.

First Shed Delivered:

Old Pool House Getting Destroyed

And Kate/TLC- how about you bring those little fellers to meet the Nalts kids? I’m a little afraid of you, but my big sister Jennifer used to punch me on the arm a lot… so I’ve lost feeling in that arm.

Wow- what a spectacle: traditional media family meets new media family– now that’s entertainment. We behaved during TLC’s shooting of Buddy’s Cake Boss, and even sat on the footage of his wife’s cake until it aired. So we can hang.

Yeah now there’s some fun video. My 6 year old Charlie goes from the Cake Boss to the Kate Boss.

Online Video

Short Visit to West Coast Online-Video Junkee with “LA Blue Balls”

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Yeah I went to LA for one day, and it was the biggest tease of my online-video life! I have LA blueballs.

The near climax was getting to meet Punchy from WaverlyFilms, Captain from ClipCritics and my favorite YouTube weblebrities… but not having enough time to play! There was a spontaneous dinner on Wednesday night, and before I had the chance to spill a second beer, Chuck Potter (who is making a film about YouTube) was kind enough to whisk me to LAX to catch the red eye back to PA.

I’ve got to get back to LA soon, and inject myself into all of my favorite webshows as a lowlife extra – I had a near miss with TomBoys and Freddy Nager, with whom I’ve been dying to collaborate. And I didn’t even get to see Mickipedia Micki or my Revver peeps.

I did have a chance to appear in an episode of “The Retarded Policeman.” You’ve never been on a cooler shoot in your life. Ponce (Josh Perry) was so kind and gentle, and far from the insulting character he plays.

I can’t remember if he’s really got Down’s and he’s faking as a cop, or if it’s the other way around. But either way, I’ve gone from fan to superfan. His brother (who appears in episode one) directs him with precision and tough love that only a big brother can provide. In a future episode, The Retarded Policeman insults me, kisses me and then slaps me. The Nalts is,  of course, shocked and trying to explain that I’m a weblebrity who wasn’t drunk driving but “vlogging while driving.” I don’t want to give away anymore of Greg Benson’s hysterical script, but I hope he will indulge me on this sneak preview from the script.

“Oh, I recognize you. You’re the cup of shit from two girls and a cup.”

Comedic gold. Benson (MediocreFilms) is one of the best producers/directors I’ve seen in action, and that’s his voice (straight and falsetto) in TRP’s opening song. The MediocreFilms model is brilliant. It’s bursting with simplicity and humor, and production costs are minimized (they used a foam white board to bounce light on this shoot).

unicorn cowI had never seen Greg’s “Gorgeous Tiny Chicken Machine Show” until last night, and I’m hooked. Last night I watched the entire series with my 4-year-old Charlie, who was quick to say “that was a short one” or “we already watched that one.” The perverted humor is subtle enough that a child can watch it without too much brain damage. Whether he’s 4 or 40. See Ron Jeremy’s appearance in this episode, or check out this hysterical one that’s a personal favorite.

Have you ever seen anything that’s as funny as that cutaway of the Unicorn Cow’s sad face when he donates his spleen to make Steak Tartar? Honestly, have you? And have you ever seen Internet-video acting as good as the chef’s (who is that guy, Greg, and when can I appear in costume on the show!?)

This stuff is so good it makes me want to stop making videos and start watching them more.