Top-10 User Testimonials for Apple’s iCloud

icloud, sucks, ass, hell, from

Frustrated with Apple’s beast from hell called iCloud? You’re among friends here. Today we’re curating the most inflammatory customer statements about iCloud I could find.

You see, I just had another “Apple anxiety attack” due to iCloud. But this should be my last (I documented the December nightmare in this “iCloud sucks” post). And I was sure to tag this particular post “iCloud sucks ass from hell” in case anyone’s searching that phrase.

This morning’s irritation: my son and his friend are frantically trying to Facetime each other on their iPads, but the calls are coming to the iPhones of me and the other kid’s mom. As a result, the other mom and I are phoning each other thinking there’s some emergency. And no… the kids’ iPads are not logged into either of our iClouds, so there’s no good reason this is happening.

icloud is 1984 big brother
“Can this be turning into any more insidious, 1984ish situation?” says one iCloud customer.

iCloud, a web-based backup that connects Apple devices, has killed Apple for me and many others. In March I’m giving  my iPhone to one of my kids, and buying an Android. My nerdy friends rave about them. There are two reasons for my departure: a) The iPhone has not been improved consequentially in the last several years, and b) the iCloud implementation was the worst experience I’ve had with technology — and that surpasses computer viruses, crashed hard drives and being disregarded by cable and phone providers.

So I thought I’d calm myself down by assembling my favorite quotes about iCloud courtesy of this  Apple Support thread.

  1. I HATE icloud. How dare they? And market it as innocuous? The arrogance. Seriously.
  2. Apple invaded in my devices and does whatever wants – more than a VIRUS! I can’t get rid off it. .. APPLE what the **** are you doing, making your new software behavour as a parasite!
  3. Total failure, especially if you have spouse, kids, etc on the same Apple account since you keep getting each others stuff on your phone.
  4. Thanks for ruining Christmas, Apple. This Christmas my kids learned about Santa Claus by intercepting my private texts.
  5. I spend more than 5 hours on the phone with several apple support guys to get rid of those many multiple calendar entries on my iPad, but it didn’t help.
  6. My text messages are appearing on all my external devices.  I sold my iPod on ebay and the guy can read all of my messages and respond to them.
  7. A data destroying, heart burning, stomach churning and hours wasting beast called iCloud.
  8. Like an evil spawn of SkyNet and a PC Boot Sector Virus, once iCloud has grabbed your data IT becomes the master of your data.
  9. Can this be turning into any more insidious, 1984ish situation?
  10. I am personally Disgusted by Apple and everything to do with their products and services. Cannot wait to buy a Samsung note (source: Dudechester, iMore forum)


What Are the Early Tech Adopters Doing Now Online?

I’ve been writing a bit about currated content, and now I remember when this caught my attention. Daisy Whitney reports on Hitwise’s Bill Tancer (author of Click) and how he answers the question:

What are the people who were early adopters of Facebook, Twitter and YouTube doing NOW?

Hitwise tracks tens of millions of people via ISP data, and could identify a collection of those who were early to social media. By watching their recent ISP data, we can fairly accurately predict the next big thing. I’ve searched but can’t find the information about this that Tancer provided at the iMedia Connections event in Vegas.

But if you’re interested in whether Twitter has a future and should worry about Facebook, Tancer puts that question to an end.

Babe Ruth’s “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” Contest

babe ruth contestNestle teamed with Major League Baseball on this “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” contest (they’ve even got a blog). Nestle’s agency asked me to propose concepts to promote it, but selected Rhett and Link, who did this clever Goth promo.

Now viewers will vote the winner, and I’ve got my favorite: Babe Ruth ulele (credit to the first video contest site that allows people to link directly to one video).

Sure it falls apart after 20-30 seconds, but the combination of a ukulele and a tuba is almost as funny as a Babe Ruth in a pool. You know, I totally wouldn’t have linked the “doody scene” from Caddyshack to this contest if they’d have picked me instead of Rhett and Link.


A Plea for Videos Featuring On-Air Talent Rants & Outtakes

Dear production team,

camera man maskedFor years you’ve quietly enjoyed that old Beta tape packed with outtakes of your abusive talent — sharing it only with select friends after dinner (and a cheaper version of the beer your talent drinks on his bloated network expense account). Now you’re seeing your production-crew comrades upload clips of nutcase anchors to YouTube, where the whole world can bask in the wonderfulness of moments. Moments you remember well… like Bill O’Reilly losing his cool.

But you say to yourself, “I may get in trouble if I upload this.” Nonsense. You’ve long since left the domineering and horrid grip of that crack pot. YouTube is anonymous, and it would take an act of God for your former network to get a warrant to even track the ISP from which the clip came (and it would be cost prohibitive, if not bad PR for them to take it further). Don’t let your oppressive talent control you from the grave.

Perhaps you struggle with the ethics of it. To that, you’ll come to your own decision. But consider the utilitarian approach — the minor suffering you inflict upon your former captive will be more than offset by the joy it brings to countless viewers. And keep in mind such moments as when:

  • He sent you for coffee and failed to appreciate your degree. Then he complained about the temperature or lack of cream and/or sugar.
  • He bitched about the fact that you couldn’t get more information to him by air time. What information gathering had he done before he took full credit?
  • She noticed every bad thing that surrounded her, but never got your name right.
  • When the network suits showed up, did he once acknowledge your effort behind the scenes?
  • How about the fit he threw when the mike wasn’t working? Or because he had to wait 4 minutes for you to adjust the lighting so he wouldn’t later complain that you made him look fat?
  • The list goes on. My imagination couldn’t concoct what you have on tape.

Holding a grudge, dear friend, is like drinking poison and expecting your abusive on-air talent to suffer. They’ve long since forgotten you and the torture they inflicted. Now you need to release it. Try years of therapy for catharsis, or one simple upload.

Just set up an anonymous account on YouTube, and upload it! Then post it below by using the video URL when you put in your comment username and URL. Within days the clip will go viral, it will be ripped, and you can then look beyond those dark years of oppression.

Bill O’reilly rapWhile you’re converting that Beta to something you can upload, enjoy this O’Reilly mix (courtesy of Marquisdejolie). It’s as funny as Barely Political’s version

Says the floor director to O’Reilly in Barely Political’s O’Reilly remix: “I’ll bounce this binder off that half-inflated basketball you call a face… screw this up again and we’ll send you over to Fox News.”