Most Poetic Amazon Review Ever

I give you Philip K. Jamal… a fine gent who appreciates good prose. In fact I only wish I’d had this poetic review of my latest novel, Beyond Viral, before we went to press, because it’s just plain brilliant. I feel like T.S. Elliot. I think I’ll have a glass of Absinthe as I ponder the possibility of meeting this gent and discussing the subtle allegories of Beyond Viral (see website).

Perhaps the finest piece of literature since Faulkner's Billy Bud

Mr. Jamal’s review:

“As a well-respected connoisseur, I was a little wary at first, as I sat upon my davenport in the fading sun, browsing with much puzzlement at this book. It was quite a foray from my comfort zone of Voltaire, Hemingway, Lawson and Dreiser, and most of all, Cohen. Nalts, I have been told, is nothing more than a mere clown, a slapstick joker, making silly faces and engaging in tomfoolery for the masses! His prosperity is minute and his dwelling is exceedingly diminutive compared to what I love to call my quarters. How could one with an intellect that exceeds probably no more than a common house cat write a book that shines light on the ever growing field of online video? My thoughts were that if any sort of striking lady or wealthy baron were to spy upon me whilst I was reading from the pages of this tome, I would have no choice but to engage in instant defenestration, if for nothing more than to preserve my status amongst the elite. However, I found myself intrigued, amused, abashed, cowed and agape at the contents. It could be said that at a young age, I was never privileged with being granted the aptitude to comprehend even the most asinine of scripts, considering I never actually acquired the proper denomination to receive proper edification. With that said, despite the fact that I am a complete and total conveyor of fraudulence, I loved this book more than just about any other book I have ever held in my palms. It was winning, engaging and insightful to the fullest degree. I read it start to finish in one night, and I would pray you do the same. I will literally lose all faith in any higher deities would this book not receive any awards at any time in the future. Excellent, stupendous even. Mr. K. Nalty is a genious amongst people all beneath him. This has been met with some chuckles, but I have actually placed a framed visage of this man upon my eastern wall of the foyer for all visitors to witness. I’ve been inspired, actually, to reward all of my offspring with the middle name of Kevin from now on. My only complaint for this book is that after raucous googling, all of Mr. Nalty’s emotional support and muse that doesn’t come from his lovely family seems to radiate and be drawn directly from a small corner of the internet called the “comments pages” of his website “WillVideoForFood.” It would have been nice had he dedicated a chapter or two to these flawless minds and a full page picture of each of their heads (especially one dashing young lad with a charming smile, named “Reubnick”) and perhaps given all of them a signed copy of the book as a way of saying “thank you.” Other than that, there is literally nothing that could be criticized about Mr. Nalty’s masterstroke. This is a great stocking stuffer, by the way, chaps!

16 Replies to “Most Poetic Amazon Review Ever”

  1. Well, the cat is out of the bag. Philip K. Jamal is, I, Reubnick, the one with the charming smile. Huzzah! I don’t think anybody actually really says “chaps” these days, anyway. Most of all, I’m just happy I could find a way to use “defenestration” in a review, and also list the guy who wrote “Alfie’s Home” as one of my favorite authors. So, if ever you see anything written by “Philip K. Jamal” just know it was me. I’m fairly certain I have written comments on this website in the past as Philip, actually. Anyway, thanks for unknowingly calling me a “fine gent,” Nalts! Maybe if we ever actually meet I can take you up on that offer of Absinthe.

    You know, I was lucky enough to receive a a Phil Jamal review on my book as well. However, I didn’t get as many accolades as you did, Nalts. [Click]

  2. Still waiting to get my signed copy before I write a review.

    In the meantime, I’m thinking about leaving little notes in the copies (I’m assuming) they have at the Barnes & Noble just around the corner from where I live. What do you think would be hilarious to find tucked away between the pages of Beyon Viral?

  3. wt… – amazon won’t let me write a review unless I buy the book FROM THEM!

    very nice Reuby, who knew anyone here could write; least of all finish a book?

    The important question is, will this change the tenor of WVFF comments? Nutcheese?

  4. @6 Really? That’s odd. As far as I understand, all you need is an Amazon account and you can review any product.

  5. I don’t know how to read. Waiting for the audio version to come out. I hope the audio version of this book is read by Betty White. She’s totally a GMILTF!

  6. A signed copy for all WVFF members WOULD be nice.

    If you don’t know how to read, Nutcheese, I’m sure its pages could substitute quite nicely for toilet paper. And we all know how much you need toilet paper.

  7. I’ll sign a copy and send it to another “Backrower”, who will do the same and send it to the next one and to the next one and finally back to Kevin.

    What do you think?

  8. @11 That sounds like a cool idea, Jimmer. Might take a while get it to everybody, but I’m definitely game.

    Kevin, plenty of people want signed copies. You can probably justify charging a few dollars extra for your trouble. Figure out how to make it happen.

  9. Wait you guys are buying the book? I was kinda thinking it was more for the people who might hire me to speak and consult. You know- the ones who don’t read this blog which is intended for them.

  10. @15: No one who wants to hire you actually reads this blog, Kevin.

    And, for the record, I haven’t bought the book and don’t really think I will. I always assumed as you did that it was for people who want to actually make money off of viral video. Sorry, Kevin.

  11. @14 Kevin, I’m going to Hawaii in a week and a half on frequent flier miles.. I needed something to read on the four plane flights from NC to HI.. yes four flights.. Anyway its better then a news stand magazine 🙂

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