We love our YouTube, but it’s not the greatest listener in the world. Like its rich dad, Google, it kinda knows what you need better than you do.

In a way, Google and YouTube are like God that way. Seriously- did you know you needed a photo search tool that lets you identify pictures by COLOR? I need YELLOW tulips, darnit (now how about letting us categorize royalty-free art).

Heck while I’m digressing from my digression, some of the Google beta toys are going to blow you away. When I saw this new thing that organizes searches in new AMAZING ways otherwise requiring humans, I literally turned to a colleague and whispered, “holy crap- that shit’s like gmail… I didn’t know I needed it.”

Google’s like God that way. He doesn’t always give you what you want, because what you want isn’t always an informed choice. “Oh- now I see why you let me go through that miserable break-up in 1992… I wasn’t ready to meet wifeofnalts yet because her biological clock wasn’t yet ticking audibly.”

Back on topic, Nalts… we were surprised of an apparent but fickle change we noticed today… by “we” I mean me.

To those of you noobs who don’t read this blog every morning with a hot cup of joe,

1. last week I discussed the fact that YouTube has been serving its choice of a partner’s videos as “related” videos.
2. This is how you get views. People find one of your 800 videos (or whatever amount you happen to have if you’re not me or Marquisdejolie), and BADABING hopefully they’re hooked like crack.
3. Up until a month ago, it was the partner’s choice what videos appeared (based on how they organized videos on their channel page). They could stack the deck as they saw fit.
4. Most of us mixed a few recent ones with some of their most popular or favorite videos.

But riddle me this. If you go to the video I posted yesterday (a sponsored Glee video), you’ll find MY MOST RECENT videos listed beside it.

Not the ones Father Google and Mother YouTube’s algorithm has chosen. But go to any of my older videos, and you’ll see Google/YouTube’s picks for related Nalts videos. The ones He has chosen.

Dear YouTube. Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive you. Is there a method behind this madness? (Gosh I wish you read or commented on blogs like Revver used to do before it mutated). Was there a good reason you served the related Nalts videos you picked? It’s usually the Scary Maze video which probably draws a high click-thru and engagement rate. Or another one with a good thumbnail, presumably a smart way to drive average views-per-session for the newcomers. Is there something secret you’re doing that gives me steady views? Would we screw something up if you gave us back the keys to the Chevy? You know… back to the content partner’s “dealer’s choice” for related videos?

And for your good and mine, will you please default shut that dreadful “related videos” box that aren’t mine? Putting the back door so close to the front door of the gated garden? The park patrons may accidentally wonder off into the other side of the train tracks. We wouldn’t want someone stumbling into some silly little consumer-generated video that doesn’t make your users (or advertisers, accountants) happy. It could even be a copyright infringement! As an added benefit, this “ditch the related video box that aren’t mine” change will bring that profitable “featured videos” yellow box closer to the fold. Yey- everyone wins! Yellow is pretty on tulips too. It all comes full circle for those of you still holding on.

You know, maybe the whole thing is a bug. No- the YouTube programmers are too smart for that.

And underpaid.

And, might I add, rather attractive.

Hey- I’m in town around Thanksgiving if you want to hook up.

P.S. If you hire me, I’ll ditch this blog and put this all of this valuable consulting into memos that nobody reads. But they’ll be remarkably better written.

P.P.S. Please don’t stop micro-featuring me. I’ve noticed in Insight the increase of “featured” views, and I’m grateful. Might I suggest, however, that you serve “related Nalts” videos adjacent to Fred, Smosh and ShaneDawsonTV? It’s what the visitors want, of course.