BabysitterofNalts asked me if I’d heard of this television show called “Sharon Lois & Bram’s Elephant Show.” This theme song is gayer than Hall & Oats eating hot dogs in drag. Here’s a playlist URL I’ve created so you can play it 5 times in a row. I suggest you go to someone else’s computer, crank the volume and hit “play” and get the reaction.
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My kids, who are 23 and 21, used to sing that song ad nauseum. I liked it at first, but repeated playings and singings left me less than fond of the song.
And now you have to go and dredge up old memories….
^Old memories:
Depressed? I’ll tell you how depressed I am. I was sitting out at the Benched Players benches at noon today, sitting with a few vets and the old man (my homeless attorney who I had gotten out of county jail where he’d been sent for $26,000.00 in parking tickets), and a beautiful woman walked by.
Under normal circumstances, I’d have said she was pretty enough to call ‘kitty’ in a room full of pit bulls just for the chance to jack off in her shadow, but while I am in Grayworld, she was just a momentary interruption of the direct sunlight I was getting on my face.
Sunlight. Very important for the treatment of chronic depression. Sunlight good.
Depression wasn’t enough for me. I had to wake up yesterday with a backache. Oh, goody, my lower back is out again. It hurts to take in deep breaths, so I’m shallow-breathing throughout the day… and the blood pressure’s acting up again. Feels like my radiator’s plugged up, my oil pump ain’t working, my transmission’s slipping and the teeth of my differential are grinding.
I’m getting lots of diagnosis(es), mostly from part time security guards: unlicensed medical practitioners, yes, but at least I don’t have to wait 4 hours in the VA waiting room to get their best guesses.
My supervisor says it’s kidney stones. One of my quad mates says imminent heart attack. The American Indian security guard guy says it’s cancer. Two other security guards conferred with each other and have diagnosed prostate blowatosis exacerbated by fullashit-itis.
So I’m drinking a lot of water and cranberry juice and spreading deep heat on my back and shallow breathing and answering all invitations to conversation with terse one-liners or basic grunts and doing math for the pain.
Yes, math. Algebra. I have discovered in my desperation to deal with my backache that doing algebra helps the pain. It forces me to concentrate on something other than the internal workings of my increasingly cranky body.
Take the formula 9(2+x)(x+y) + (x+y)^2. We all know that translates to (x+y)^3 (18+10x+y)^3 , but during the factoring of this, there is no pain.
So, if you’re not hearing much from me lately, it’s because I’m doing math.
That elephant show is pretty gay. Corn-infused gay.
Marquis- you, sir, need sunlight and a good movie. Something transformative. Go rent a flick that you remember being a perspective turner. Honestly I’ve never known pain and depression so bad that algebra makes it better. That’s quite serious. Is there an organ in your body that isn’t miserable?
I don’t know Kevin, maybe marquis should just read the Secret.
Nalts, it’s posts like these that are going to get the vibrant gay members of your giant fan base all up in arms! Let’s not forgot, you are pretty much the Cher of youtube, and if you keep these kind of things up they will unleash a firestorm on you! Let’s not pull a Mike Huckabee on Ann Coulter here.
…And it’s comments like THESE that make me look like a naive jerk. We’ve both learned lessons.
Shutup Reubnick.
It was hilarious at the time. Nothing beats Kevin’s “gasping for breath” cackle.
Kevin – I seriously think that bike seat broke my ass.
Reubnick- I was once a homophobe, but this video just turned me completely gay. I watched 278 buckley videos later last night.
DUDE! I lived and BREATHED the elephant show as a kid! I often think back and try to remember the show. I used to sing this song to errrrrrrvverryyyone.
This was like the foundation of who i am now!
Thanks for reconnecting me with childhood memories!
NEVERMIND! SCREW MEMORIES!!!
MAKE THEM STOP! MAKE THEM STOP!!
Now they are coming like a flood!!!
I DONT WANT TO REMEMBER ANYMORE!
AHHHHHHHHHH
…
I need to go rethink my life.
I’m blaming this show for the economy.
@2 I have the solution to your miladies and miseries.
move!
on another note… anyone have a spare $100k they’re not using or trying to get rid of?
I used to love that show. And Lambchops. I think the over the top gay ending songs hypnotize you into staying loyal.
@12
Run away from my problems? Nope. Like Ziggy Stardust said, I must “turn and face the strange.”
@4
Some of my medications suggest that I avoid direct sunlight.
Kevin is QUEER!!!
@14 it could be the death of you.
ya know you could move down the road
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