Best Retarded Christmas Video Ever! Smile With Ponceman!

Folks, I’m going to tell you something. If this video doesn’t go “viral” I’m not just murdering the word viral. I’m declaring Christmas spirit dead forever.

Ponce, best known for The Retarded Policeman, has produced a “Smile the World” video that might very well be the finest Christmas song since “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.” And certainly the finest Christmas video since, well, “Christmas Vacation.”

I love this song, because it’s a wonderful medley of rock, humor and sincerity. The tweens will love the twang. The adolescents will dig the sexual references. The older dudes will adore the throw-back to glam rock. But most importantly, I am sad for anyone that looks at this with disdain because Ponce is retarded — and assume it’s exploitation. To me, this video reminds us that our mental and physical limitations are trumped by spirit. And the Perry brothers, dear reader, have spirit. I’ve met Ponce, and I can tell you that smile is as real as smiles get.

After you get lost in the song, check out Ponce’s YouTube channel and Ponceman website, or perhaps send the love of Ponce to someone with these free, touching holiday cards.

This is produced by Scott Allen Perry (THESAP) and his brother Josh Perry (PONCEMAN). You’ll see the brother’s parents and sister in the video — a full, family affair. Dirty Jenny performed guitar on the roof.

You can also watch Ponce beat his elf bag here.

P.S. Double click the video to open YouTube, and treat yourself to full HD for this. It’s a visual masterpiece in addition to an earworm. A tribute to Glam Rock and, as its description boasts, “oozes yummy juice from every sonic pore.” And click “more” below for lyrics. You should sing along. It will reduce stress.

Lyrics: Select “more”

HAVE A SEXY PONCEMAN X-MAS, FEED THE WORLD A SMILE
SHAVE A LITTLE BABY, ACT LIKE GIRLS GONE WILD.
HAVE A SEXY PONCEMAN X-MAS, SUNSHINE ALL YOUR CARES
RECYCLE CANS AND BOTTLES IN YOUR UNDERWEAR

HAVE A SEXY PONCEMAN X-MAS, DANCE A BUTTERFLY
WASH A HOMELESS PERSON, LICK YOUR BEST FRIEND’S EYE
HAVE A SEXY PONCEMAN X-MAS, SING IT LOUD AND CLEAR
BRAID YOUR ARMPIT HAIR, GERBIL… RICHARD GERE

SANTAS COMING X-MAS EVE… BUT PONCEMAN’S HERE ALL YEAR
HE’S GOT LOVE FOR YOU AND ME
HE’LL SHAKE THAT PONGO FOR YOU LIKE AN ANGEL FROM ABOVE
PONCEMAN’S X-MAS WISH IS WE ALL GET SOME PONCEMAN LOVE

HAVE A SEXY PONCEMAN X-MAS, MAKE LOVE EVERYDAY
DO IT TO YOUR BEST FRIEND, OR WITH YOUR OWN GENITALS PLAY
HAVE A SEXY PONCEMAN X-MAS, RAINBOW TILL YOU GRIN
CHANGE AN OLD MAN’S DIAPERS WHEN HE FILLS UP HIS DEPENDS

HAVE A SEXY PONCEMAN X-MAS, JIGGLE ALL YOUR FAT
GIVE YOUR MOM A CLOTHESPIN, SPAY YOUR NEIGHBOR’S CAT
HAVE A SEXY PONCEMAN X-MAS, FEED THE WORLD A SMILE
AND IF YOU’RE SUICIDAL, MAKE SURE YOU GO OUT IN STYLE

AND WE CAN…

SMILE THE WORLD, WE CAN ALL SMILE THE WORLD
WE CAN ALL SMILE THE WORLD ALL OVER THE WORLD
(REPEAT)

Tagged as: christmas card, christmas song, dance the butterfly, dirty jenny, jenleigh, josh perry, Nalts, ponceman christmas special, real name, retarded christmas, retarded christmas card, sexy ponceman christmas, smile the world, the retarded policeman