iJustine ‘n Nalts

iJustine is well known in the west-coast and tech sector, but when I met her at YouTube Live in San Fran I realized she doesn’t have as many YouTube subscribers on youtube.com/ijustine as one might think. So here’s my attempt to pitch her on some brilliant ideas to help drive her popularity… appearing in “Pretty Girls Farting in Public” could have been a winner.

I’ve often said that YouTube popularity is boosted by, among other things, collaborating with other creators. To be clear, however, this always benefits the lesser subscribed creator if they appear in a popular YouTuber’s videos. So this video for iJustine was clearly charity, since for the moment I have about 70K subs to her 35K (nearly three times as many).

And this collab had nothing to do with the fact that I wanted to legitimately use her low-rez friendly face as a thumbnail for one of my videos. Ironically, YouTube randomly chose a picture of my ugly mug, and that “upload your own thumbnail or else” functionality seems to be working out like most new features.

See it here: http://ijustine.ofnalts.com/ or below. And check out http://www,tastyblogsnack.com to learn more. Seriously- she just may be the new Daisy Whitney (couldn’t resist).


56 Replies to “iJustine ‘n Nalts”

  1. Kev,

    I might be thinking about this too hard, in regards to having “nearly three times” as many subs, isn’t 70k exactly twice as many as 35k? I mean, I know in grade school I learned that 35×2=70, but maybe this math breaks down with large numbers?

    Oh wait, I get it. This is marketing speak! Never mind!

  2. You’ve been in one of my videos and I know how much it helps: NONE! As a one of a kind offer, however, I will appear in one of yours for free.

    Kidding, Naltsy. I appreciated it a ton.

  3. The secret not for Nalts to appear in one of your videos, but for you to appear in one of his.

    And that’s why I’ve been hiding behind the bushes in his front yard for the past three days. That, and I couldn’t afford my rent this month. You’d be amazed how picky landlords can be about that stuff.


  4. @ Justine.

    More like an iStreamathon. We’ll do it in my uncles barn and we’ll make the sets and the costumes! And Nalts will fall down!

    It’ll be swell!

  5. @8
    I used to be a landlord, somecall. You’d be amazed how picky mortgage companies can be about the payments on duplexes.
    Livestreamathon08! Sounds great! Let’s help out all the cute looking Youtube girls crippled by subscriptions of under a billion!
    How can Jerry refuse?
    Your uncle has a barn and you haven’t done an istreamathon yet!? Times a wastin’! Does Amtrak go by your uncle’s place?

  6. You thought I wanted him to count because he’s good at counting? No, I like hearing him get done about 6 seconds after the countdown is over.

    5… 4… 3…






    Happy Thanksgiving!

  7. Midnight at the crack motel. My roommate Creepy is asleep and he’s stopped breathing again. All is quiet except for that guy in 218. His light hammering and muffled sawing goes on day and night. Day and night.

    All is quiet. No shuffling of streetwalker Marie’s snow shoes up and down the stairs. No clackety clack of hooker Margo rushing a client to the back parking lot. The other two regular prostitutes, ‘Killer’ and ‘Cabbage Patch’, are napping across the street in the recessed entrance of The Giving Faith Fellowship Church.

    Except for that guy in 218, all is quiet. No one is cursing the one-armed pay phone bandit in the motel courtyard. Monty closed the office two hours ago and a makeshift sign says ‘Go to the Camino (motel) if you want a room this time a night.’

    I can hear the gentle hum of my kitchenette Kelvinator, the insectine buzz of the 40 watt ceiling light and the high pitched chip chip chip of a coyote howling. All is peacef—

    Wait a minute. A coyote howling? That can’t be right. Not here in Gardena, 10 blocks from the Compton city limits.

    I pull on ancient bluejeans I found in a dumpster 15 years ago and trudge outside. Killer and Cabbage Patch have gone. The only people outside are two Momo’s Korean Bar bouncers across the street, making sure no white, black or brown people try to enter the place. They don’t like white, black or brown people.

    No streetwalkers on the sidewalk. Too chilly tonight. The howling seems to be coming from the BHS Hale Childress Recovery Center next door. Ah, Behavioral Health Science. I know it well. It’s a giant, white, gymnasium-sized warehouse for the marginally insane. I used to drop off Kathy’s husband there last year when he was complying with mandatory alcohol and drug rehab treatment for a DUI he snagged. I used to laugh at the hideousness of the place. Now I live in its shadow.

    I suspect the BHS CRC is the source of our intermittent teenage hooker traffic. I see hundreds of teenagers and young adults there in the daytime and the police cruise the CRC’s back parking area ten times more often than the Motel Marquis’ lot, so a little midnight howling coming from there is not out of the realm of possibility.

    But it’s not coming from the CRC. The howling is just echoing off the CRC’s high concrete block walls. The howling is coming from the vacant acre on the other side of the motel, coming from the high weeds where the Vietnamese Satanists have their quarterly pagan rites and cat barbecues, and where the brethren of the glass dick congregate to suck their translucent weenies.

    Only an acre of tall weeds and the burnt-out, abandoned 40-foot steel ‘Cafe El Camino 24 Hour Restaurant’ sign lie between my motel and the Arco gas station where there is the safety of halogen lighting, but I never cut across the voodoo lot to get my Arco coffee. I ain’t going in there. Let the coyotes howl and the cat carcasses rest in peace. The industrious hermit in 218 does.

  8. I was gonna make a comment on the video about whether ijustine was gonna Daisy Whitney, but then I decided it was a totally lame-ass joke that only a tool would make and said something else.

  9. Ijustine? Oh, I’ve been thinking she’s hot for the last year or so. I know about her.

    I MEAN…I’ve been thinking she’s hot…ly contested for…the jeal…aw screw it. She’s hot. I’m not even going to deny it.

  10. how the hell did this get so many comments so quickly?

    anyway, the most interesting comments are 2 and 3, so…

    maybe he’s not using base 10? of course, since he’s a marketer, I doubt he even understands what base 10 means.

    I know you’re a bloody northerner (that’s two things that don’t sound right in the same sentence), but come on, common is a homophone of “come on”, NOT a synonym.

    I do pay attention in class.

  11. @Reubnick – I’d wager she gets about almost 400 “you’re hot” comments a day in her inbox (Jim does, and she’s almost as hot as him), so let’s not scare her away from here, eh?

  12. Ahyup, like iJustine’s channel page says, she IS the internet. She’s what it’s all about. She is the one. The alpha female.

    Watched your video. Male emasculation: it’s the future of YouTube. Can’t get enough of it.

  13. @Marquis. It seems to me that you have this need to turn a lot of stuff into a battle, you vs. the STATUS QUO, MAN. THIS IS WHY I CAN’T BE POPULAR ON YOUTUBE, MAN! ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE LIKE, KEEPIN’ ME DOWN, BRA!

    I’m not saying this to be mean, I am saying this because I like you: Just stop. It doesn’t hurt to think differently (and I try pretty hard to bring a different viewpoint to YouTube), but it is painful to read someone so desperately try to brand themselves as counterculture.

    Here’s today’s issue:

    You want to know why male emasculation goes on? It’s men’s attitude. We can’t just be normal and we can’t just speak up. It’s part in due to this need to be accepted that men do not understand but have. The camaraderie – a word I truly buttfucking HATE – is such a big thing in the male’s life.

    And because of that, we have no way to identify with our emotions and therefore are terrible at communication – especially with women. So instead of being able to have conversations about what we think and feel, we buy roses and chocolates. We do housework and favors. We give rides and time to try and prove to women we are worthy of them.

    Our emasculation is OUR FUCKING FAULT.

  14. If we could simply evolve beyond the stupid role we gave ourselves by ignoring women’s lib and what that was supposed to mean for people in general – we let that get out of our hands. We do not live in an equal society because WE TRAINED OURSELVES TO BE INFERIOR.

    That movement happened so the genders could be equal, but we – like primitive idiots – took it as an attack and bitched about it for a decade, then gave up. Well fuck that, I am a woman’s equal and they are mine.

    I am not emasculated, I am Man 2.0 – evolved and in touch.

  15. Nalts Thumbnails – celeb crazy collabs
    that’s the order of hits on your videos Kev, regardless of content.

    Titles seem to generate more when they are topical, collabs give you about a 20% to 40% boost,depends, but the personal stuff is only for the hard core.

    I think the You Tube celbdom is over. Collab wise, there’s certainly more subs to be had for the new or in need and perhaps a few more for you, but it’s no where near the crazy and no where like it used to be in growth or curiosity, am I wrong here? Other than the odd skyrocketing viral hit has the You Tube launching pad bottomed out, has it reached saturation or is there not enough PR in the right places?

    The Bush Shoe, when all is tallied will probably be the most watched video on You Tube ever. It’s scattered heavily on all five pages (personally, I’m surprised and disappointing you didn’t take a hit for the hits; hot over dumb, was that wise?), other than Bush, the You Tube front page is loaded with high volume partners, big media and boobs. Though I do expect to see a slight bump in February, due to the digital conversion, I’m wondering what’s next in this depressed and fairly used market, books?

  16. @37
    Send him a PajamaGram, sukatra!
    I see it, too. Even manufactured controversy isn’t pulling like it used to. But my YouTube income is steadily increasing (VERY gradually). I can’t explain that.

  17. @39 slow and steady wins the race. Your monetary increase almost makes me wish for a dysfunctional family to exploit. The sad part is your added income isn’t buying you much more, but I suppose that depends on where you shop.

  18. @Sukatra pop the question BEFORE people know about Satan! Pajama gram could work though.

    @Marquis of course I have been to your channel and this is not about your channel, it is about your demeanor on this site. It seems like all you talk about is why you aren’t popular on YouTube: the trendy folks make it impossible. Or iJustine makes emasculatory videos or Nalts plays along. Or whatever issue arises.

    I don’t know that it’s 100% serious but you’re certainly comitted to it.

    Also, I finally managed to word my argument on male emasculation the way I think it, so I couldn’t just let that die. It’s going to become an essay. I’m into writing essays.

  19. Where the hell did all these comments come from so quickly?

    @22: Thank you! I have been trying to rid Kevin of his “common” problem ever since I joined this blog.

    Com•mon • kom-uhn
    adjective, -er, -est, noun
    1.belonging equally to, or shared alike by, two or more or all in question: common property; common interests.
    2.pertaining or belonging equally to an entire community, nation, or culture; public: a common language or history; a common water-supply system.
    3.joint; united: a common defense
    widespread; general; ordinary: common knowledge.
    5.of frequent occurrence; usual; familiar: a common event; a common mistake.
    6.hackneyed; trite.
    7.of mediocre or inferior quality; mean; low: a rough-textured suit of the most common fabric.
    8.coarse; vulgar: common manners.
    9.lacking rank, station, distinction, etc.; unexceptional; ordinary: a common soldier; common people; the common man; a common thief.

    OK, so definition #7 works pretty good for this blog. But, COME ON Kevin, you are driving me crazy!!!!

    Oh, and @2: Thanks for correcting his math before I could. I am glad to see that there are other vigilant readers of this blog.

  20. @42 just do what everyone else does, ignore him. That’s what most of the world does to the folks he talks about anyway. It’s a constant trend you can pretty much count on.

    Let’s face it, marquis is a bit of a mad man, yelling in the wilderness all by himself. He’s caught himself an uphill battle and he’s won’t let go and can’t seem to reel that mutha in.

    But it is a temporary comfort to those who fall from grace and find they are walking up the down escalator with him. I think he secretly hopes that one day the stairs will stop and he’ll race to the top before someone figures out how to turn the thing back on.

    All he really has to do is get one 100k hit every now and again and he’s set, but he’s stubborn fellow, not like Kevin. They’re really a pair of opposites.

    @44 no reason for it, especially? especially,? especially in this thread.
    (can you fix that?)

    Yes, please.

  21. @48 antagonist!

    I was being poetic and actually I thought Peter’s comments were frank and honest. I don’t think marquis de jolie is that thin skinned, have you visited his web site?!

    everybody chest bump now

  22. @33
    So I guess you’re not down for the iStreamathon, then?
    I’d race up those stairs so fast all you’d see was a fat blur leaving a trail of pine needles!
    My ISP disconnected my internet access for late payment (2 months back due) Monday and its taken me this long to scrounge up the $168 to turn it on again. Being disconnected from was educational. Yeah, I had a scathing bite-back Psychology Today response to Peter, sukatra, but I’m too pooped to pop culture right now.

    So are y’all participating in the YouTube blackout or the cussout?

  23. @54
    I was just lucky that the generic Mucinex the V.A. mailed me the other day look enough like Adderal to sell to the speed freaks down on Bolivar Street. I got my $168 to pay my cable/ISP bill and Marshall’s tweekers will be mucus free for a few days: a win/win situation.

    Rant? What rant? Do I rant? Just because I won’t swallow bunk or hyperbole or bleat like a sheeple in Pavlovian drool, I’m a disgruntled employee? A ranter? It’s not ALL about me, folks. It’s ALL about the East and West Coast techno cultists, secular progressive intellectual elitists, who think their godless materialistic fart culture is the only moral compass for the entire country. ALL of my comments are about that. Check and see.

    Hahaha! Catch the trolley, droolers!

  24. ^ watching capitalism collapse in my life time is truly amazing, almost hard to believe. I’m really not sure what to do, survive I suppose. I think most people expected it to fall hard and fast, but I’m beggining to think we’re in store for more of a whimper. It’s funny everyone is waiting for Obama to take over, they expect nothing from Bush. Most other countries would have dragged him out like Ceausescu by now. Indoor plumbing is pretty amazing stuff.

    Some religious lady told me a few years ago that the US, as a nation, was over due to collapse, every 70 year, she said. I guess it’s been about that long since the great depression. The fall of the USSR was right on time.

    So I guess the question is, what’s next? I’m up for some swift justice, anyone else?

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