Internet Superstar RIP, Microsoft goes CGA, Celebrities are DUM

News roundup. I just savd you visiting 10 websites.

Author: Nalts

Hi. I'm Nalts.

41 thoughts on “Internet Superstar RIP, Microsoft goes CGA, Celebrities are DUM”

  1. AdAge = “Even though we’re sad to see these shows end on Revision3, in today’s economic climate it’s essential for us to focus on what we do best, and where the best opportunity for success lie”
    can you say “postal worker”

    McCain = Lame
    this is better [click] scroll one down to “and politics”

    MS = dangerous territory – someone is going to rip MS and it will be the most popular video on You Tube.

    VOTE= Celebs – bite me!
    CEOs – 1 hour? That’s it? Unpaid too? Looks like you guys need me to vote you some new tax hikes.

    Strike = yeah pretty boring too much like tv

    Whitney’s picks = sorry Daiz too busy with my real friends and a book to watch

    Dunkin = liars!

  2. It would be interesting to see if we could all somehow come up with a way to submit some “i’m a pc” videos that would have the same revolutionary effect on community videomaking as our cheese series did.

  3. @3: I like that idea, but Nalts probably wouldn’t since he is a big Mac head.

    Macs are the bane of my existence.

    Not really, but I have having to do anything on them at work. Fortunately, they are mostly in the Special Ed. classrooms.

    What does that tell you?

  4. @sukatra

    All joking aside, why not? The “tribe of nalts” could collab on a mass entry. Maybe we could even get wife of nalts, or even Nalts himself to admit that “I’m a PC”.

    After the campaign cools down, we could release the gag reel on YouTube. Because Nalts is in it, it would get featured, we’d all get more subs than Buckley (I was going to say more subs than Jesus, but I wanted something a little less sacrilegious), and we could quit our jobs at Dennys and live off the video income. It’s perfect.

  5. Any video for MS would have to be very slick, cutting edge and a big fat lie. Every piece of MS software sucks on some level. xp was almost there, almost, well, close enough, and what did MS do? They shoved Vista down our throats. Some Vista! It over looks a super fund toxic wasteland dump from a basement concrete balcony draped in gauche Christmas and Halloween decoration while seagulls circle above dropping crap on your head as the toilet backs up to your knees in rodents, sewage and shit!

    Actually, I’d watch that commercial.

    Picture this! Some sick pale paltry blurred eyed looking geekoid stares out of his concrete basement balcony over all he surveys in his bathrobe, unshaven … The camera slowly pulls back capturing the whole scene above in HD. Then that shiny word Microsoft glistens across the front of your screen saying, ‘Vista, It runs like a dead hamster!’

  6. I saw my first of these ads on t.v. last night!

    I was not impressed. Still, in an era when Joe the Plumber has his 15 minutes of fame, what do you expect.

  7. I saw one on TV last night. There was actually a guy holding up some presliced cheese who said “I’m a PC and I like cheese”. So somebody already beat us to it. Maybe we could use twinkies.

  8. @14

    I never said we wouldn’t have to lie to do a collab. I thought that was par for course.

    I think if everyone could be really honest with themselves, nobody would truly admit to “liking” Windows. It’s not like Apple, the rouge underdog company founded by two hackers named Steve that provide powerful, intuitive products that “just work”.

    I would wager that everyone who has ever used Windows seriously has experienced one major crash that at the least required a reboot, but likely required replacing the hard drive windows caused to melt down. But in the several years we owned a Mac, I never had one problem with it.

    That’s why the Mac will always have a market. They are the only “likable” computer/software company out there. PC’s are crash prone and powered by the devil. Linux is awesome, but the preconceived notion is that you can’t run a distro without a PhD in computer sciences. If you want a likable computer, your only option is really a Mac. (Okay, not true. I really like Unix, and I LOVED the Sun box we were using as a server at the house I lived in back in my single days, but I digress.)

    So yeah, I’m a PC, and I really really really want a Mac.

  9. @Nalts

    Just to point out your mistake, since nobody else has – you claim to save us a visit to 10 websites with this post. I counted, there are only 9 links up there, and two are for the same story. So technically, you only saved us a visit to 8 sites. Plus since we had to come to this site to see all that, we need to make a 1 site deduction, leaving us with only a 7 site savings.

    I know you’re in marketing, but claiming 10 for 7? Isn’t that a little over the top?

  10. @14 Killjoy.

    Jeez, you people are WAYYY too serious. I was thinking something along the lines of a video showing everybody here in divided screen (you know, like with 14 or 16 or however many boxes on the page, I wouldn’t know how to do that though) and everybody says “I’m a PC and I make online videos!”

    so in essence it would be one big five second collab where everybody says the same thing at the same time. i don’t have the skills to do it though.

    and I’m certainly not wedded to my idea.

  11. @15 the NSA has cameras posted across the street and they’re streaming it live on the net, we can see everything!

    @17we need babysitterofnalts to put a couple of those in his shoes.

    @18 did you know Bill has a 20% ownership stock in apple and don’t you dare even say HD crash without making the sign of the cross.

    @20 sukatra

    relax babe – I think your idea’s great, I can see it now…. six or more boxes – Killer pops forward all hyper and say ’Hi, I’m a PC and my mom makes online videos of meeeeee!” bits of your videos start playing in your square – Robnichol slides in from the right and says “Yo, I’m a PC and I make online videos, Dog!” his videos start playing in his square. Marquis’ scary ominous face oomes from below and hauntingly, like a crazy lunatic says, “I’m a PC and ….etc etc… Peter dressed in drag says, …. Marilyn all prim and proper sits up and says, … Nutcheese gives the impression she is sitting on the toilet, she farts and snickers, her videos start playing the background, so on and so forth until all the little boxes are filled. Then everyone altogether, Brady Bunch style, says in unity, “We are PCs and we make online videos!” The commercial ends with quick flashing clips of Kevin falling down and out of everything finally landing on his ass, wearing his Nalts hat, holding his Nalts cup, he takes a sip of coffee offering it towards the camera in a ‘cheers’ manner and says, “me too!” Takes another sip and says, “hey, you want some?” Microsoft Logo unfolds glistening, while Kevin tries to feed the beverage to the viewer. end

    The only problem is there isn’t a video program built into Vista that can make those boxes, it would have to be third party software. That count?

  12. @23: Where’d you get that idea from?

    @22: I’m not really very “prim and proper”. I just feel it is my duty to uphold the laws of the English language.

  13. @25 She’s on vacation with Nutcheese, although she won’t likely remember any of the trip. BTW- I would respond more to this post but I’ve been busy swatting flies on the Redneck game Marquis provided.

  14. OMG you let your babysitter go on vacation with Nutcheese…. that’s like having Zipster come to the house and dress up as the Wicked Witch of the West. Your kids’re gonna need some serious therapy.

    No offense Bon! (No offense, Nutcheese!) (Zipster never comes here, so I won’t address him)

  15. @31 Coward!
    @32 Hero!

    on another note…
    I want to say that I CAN’T wait for the day when these big giant web sites, who’s employees currently hide behind rocks, have me fill out a survey on what I think of their content, employees and service. Just like the real world. Oh, you wait, it’s comin’!

    and how are you good folks?
    ready to rumble tomorrow?

  16. @34
    In America, coward pay is much higher than hero pay. Americans eat their heros and throw gobs of money at their cowards. After my military service, I vowed to never be that stupid again.

  17. @36
    You started it.
    “these big giant web sites, who’s employees currently hide behind rocks” = cowards, people who have no sense of honor or even right and wrong. They will gladly do ANY evil for their paycheck security. They will embrace fascism for money. Hide and watch.

  18. Ranger Mike loaned me a DVD he’d rented last night and me and my homeless attorney sat up in my room watching it before I went to work. The movie was “Wonderland”, about what happened to John Holmes after the drugs made him no good for the porn industry anymore.

    The movie hinges around events which occurred in the Hollywood Hills on Wonderland Drive. I know Wonderland Drive. It’s a short street. I spent a lot of time up on Wonderland Drive when I was a gypsy cabbie, delivering call girls there.

    I probably delivered several girls to that Wonderland Drive house depicted in the movie. It looked familiar, but then, I probably delivered girls to just about every other house on Wonderland Drive. If I didn’t deliver girls there, I surely parked in front of that house waiting on a girl at a nearby house. Little did I know then that the house I was parked in front of at two or three or four in the morning was infamous.

    I probably parked in front of the Sharon Tate Helter Skelter house where Charlie Manson had his dirty work done, too. That house is just a little further up the hills. The coyotes were bad up there.

    Many a night I sat in the dark up there in the middle of the night listening to them scream like women being murdered, hoping that no one was actually being murdered in the vicinty, hoping that no police patrol car would come cruising by and see me loitering suspiciously like a burglar or a helter skeltered psycho in a neighborhood in which I obviously didn’t belong.

    Those were scarey times and I’m glad I’ve come down out of the hills.

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