Determine Your Psychological Profile Based on Monopoly

I try to stick to video in this blog, but I’m allowed to wander because there’s no advertising and I’m only paid zero dollars per word. That’s why I write long posts. It’s more profitable.

So now I’m going to predict your personality based on one question. What happens in Monopoly when someone lands on “free parking”? Please type your answer in the comments field BEFORE clicking “more” or Googling the answer. I don’t need you rigging this. If I find out only 2% of readers participated, I’ll track down your IP address, come to your work or home, and throw sand in your face.

This psychoanalysis should not constitute as medical advice, and it’s based on no longitudinal clincal research that includes a test and control and a pre and post factorial quantifier of exponent data.

P.S. The bonus question is do you like raw or cooked carrots?


1) If you don’t know, then you live a carefree life without concerns for rules or social constructs. But you also had a sad childhood because the rest of us played Monopoly even if it ended in tears, fights and the game pieces being tossed into eyeballs. You probably played with rocks and had an imaginary friend who didn’t amuse themself on playing fat capatilsm games. And if you did play, you’d totally collect the purple properties while I snagged the green and crushed you with hotels.

2) If you said “nothing” than you’re right. According to Parker Brothers rules there is no payout. You’re also totally anal retentive and were probably potty trained prematurely. You read instructions and correct typos on blogs and newspapers. You feel important that you adhere to process, and view spontanious people as simple minded and childlike.

3) If you said “the person scores the utility taxes” then you’re living with a rogue “HOUSE rule.” While Parker Brothers encourages these, it makes the game last longer. So you are lacking your sense of delayed gratification. You choose the instant glory of the payout but you’re going to suffer through a longer game in the end — whether you lose or lose badly. You are a rebel and were potty trained late. You probably drew on the wall with your feces. You assemble Ikea furniture without putting the Byorgs into the Billys.

P.S. If you like raw carrots you’re more likely to be intelligent than people who prefer cooked ones. I have no source. I just remember it from a study in psychology that tried to find out which random issues would correlate best with intelligence.

SOURCE on the Monopoly one: Wikipedia so it’s got to be accurate:Many casual Monopoly players are surprised to discover that some of the rules that they are used to are not part of the official rules. Many of these house rules tend to make the game longer by randomly giving players more money. Some common house rules Free Parking jackpot, which usually consists of an initial stake (typically $500, or $5 million in the Here & Now Edition) plus collections of fines and taxes otherwise paid to the bank. A player who lands on Free Parking wins the jackpot, which may then be reset with the initial stake (if any). The jackpot is usually put in the center of the board. Since the jackpot forms an additional income for players in this set of house rules, games can take a much longer time than under normal rules.[19]

43 Replies to “Determine Your Psychological Profile Based on Monopoly”

  1. hmmm….I’m going to say that when you land on “Free parking”, your character gets to park for free…I wouldn’t know, I don’t play that game. Either you park for free, or you killed a guy, but nobody catches you…

    I wonder how my personality is!!!

  2. hey! I just read the rest of the post! My answer didn’t say anything about my personality at all!!! What is this, some kind of joke!?! Are we playing a fast one on ol’ Reubnick here? Well, I don’t like it!

  3. OMG the explanation for my answer was exactly right!

    I’m sure my mom could tell you all about that feces wall incident. >.>

  4. Well for better or worse, I chose two (nothing) and I also love raw carrots. However I cannot help but feel the raw carrots have put me at a great disadvantage in life. I am always dumbing things down for people just to relate. Alas.


    2) If you said “nothing” than you’re right… and view spontanious people as simple minded and childlike.

    I now have to validate your psychological profile. Spontaneous is spelt wrong. Also in the context of that sentence I am pretty sure you meant to say “then” you’re right, not “than” you’re right. “Than” is a tool of comparison (greater than, less than). “Then” indicates a progression in logic or time (then Charlie got really violent).

    It’s okay. It’s not your fault – you’re a funny guy. =P

  5. It’s been a long time since playing Monopoly, but as I remember it the Free Parking space was just a way to avoid having to pay taxes on someone’s property, kind of like going to jail except you get a turn the next time around. Mmmmm carrots! cooked, raw, they’re all good.

  6. We always put the fines from the chance cards into free parking, so whoever lands there gets the payout. But as for the official rules, its nothing. I remember my first time actually reading the rules, I was completely surprised by how different they are from how I grew up playing it.

  7. no idea

    i love raw carrots but only liked cooked carrots when they’re julienned and part of an expensive entree ordered at a posh restaurant with the bill being paid for by someone else. Who I don’t have to fuck at the end of the night.

  8. You get nothing. Nothing at all. All of these ridiculous “Monopoly Experts” out there who use that as a spot to store taxes, etc, are playing by a non-official house rule.

    Carrots? Cold, crispy carrots for me. Mushy and warm is sort of gross.

    Okay, I’ll read the rest, and then post more. I am a monopoly fanatic. I have dozens of different boards, and I’m unbeatable in these parts (The object of the game for my family is to come in second place! No, really.)

    By the way, anyone want to trade a couple Orange properties? I’ll give you park place AND boardwalk, suckers.

  9. Well, I know what the rules say, but when I play you get all the money on the space. During the game everyone puts all their money they pay for everything on that space, so it’s a bonanza when you land there. The game therefore also lasts forever and no one in my house will play it with me. 🙂

  10. @7 Appreciate the edits. Of course I can’t implement them until Marilyn proofs them. It’s the process… you see she was pottytrained as a fetus.

    @12/@14 show us that there’s love between Sukatra and Marquis. So all is well in our tribe. Now what to do about their daughter Nutcheese?

  11. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than winning monopoly or eating raw carrots: after 11 months of leaving comments on Nalt’s vids, getting a comment from him on your blog! I feel like I won the lottery!! ;-))

    P.S. Dryer sheets and fabric softener CAN exacerbate asthma

  12. @24 I say we put NutCheese on the toilet and make her sing. Film it, afterwords putting the tape in a trust fund vault under the name George. Who’s got the camera?

    scmj – I’ve flipped too many monopoly boards to ever play again. Once you figure out that buying everything you land on is how to win the game turns into a strange and mysterious ouija board where you become a medium for a dead former member of the Federal Reserve. Same goes for Risk.

  13. Didn’t know the answer cause I hate board games although #1 is totally incorrect for me. (yeah, I hit “more” before commenting bitches!)

    Cooked carrots…raw ones make me fart…just kidding! :o)

    @7….wooooooo, you stepped on someones toes now mister! She’s a sweetheart though, she’ll forgive you. Although, I would love to see WVFF wrestling match! She’d probably body slam yo ass! Just saying. :o)

    Side note, does it bother you when people say wrestling as wrassling?

  14. @28
    I’m sure you have hypoallergenic pillows, sheets, carpet and pets and hepa filters in your central air and/or window units. Ductless air conditioning is better, though, since so many allergens can get into ducting in the attic. Metered doses of Astelin (azelastine HC) sure are working for me.

    Meanwhile, homeless people are using park benches as their home address to register to vote. That’s so silly. When I was homeless, my official residence (on my driver’s license) was a 24-hour post office box.

  15. you know many states won’t let you use a PO BOX for a drivers license and how many homeless actually have ID?

    here’s comes the surreal part, the homeless across many cities have been carted off by well meaning low pay charitable acorn and the like workers to the voting polls/booths/halls, after these folks did their deed they were left homeless. Of course Rush will tell you they all want to be that way.

    This country is a theatre of the absurd. We’re gonna have to lace the whole drinking water system with Prozac pretty soon. I’ve got news for the contested Republicans sitting in Congress until January 19, 2009, they better just step aside nice and quiet come November 5th

  16. #31
    Lots of people use the homeless to get private/government funding. Use them and toss them away, washing their hands like Pontius Pilate once the grant checks (and paychecks) are cashed. I’m talking personal experience here.

    That’s okay. Better than nothing at all…or worse: lipservice. Programs for the homeless are nothing more than employment programs for otherwise unemployable and stupendously surly pencil pushing clerks and/or payola for political favors.

    Acorn sucks. Americorps sucks. They are corrupt. Corrupt to the bone. I’m talking personal experience here. The only honest homeless programs I have personal experience with were the church-run soup kitchens and food banks. Those people are saints.

  17. @7: I promise to forgive you for invading on my turf. In the future, please rest assured that I will catch all of Nalts’ spelling mistakes. I am anal about spelling and grammar.

    No fart or poop jokes, NutCheese. Anal as in anal-retentive. Look it up.

  18. When you land on “free parking,” you check to see whether there really is a guy in a brown security uniform collecting payment and blocking the spaces, or it some guy who found the empty lot and decided to scam everyone who wants to park closest to the Jazz Fest. You then undo the key of your key chain so that the attendant doesn’t make a copy of your key and rob your house. Lastly, you spend the entire night or day thinking about the safety of your car and you finally end up moving it to a spot where you have to pay.

    Carrots should, under no circumstance, be cooked. Have you ever seen glass Gerber baby containers emerging from the Earth?

  19. @36 AlterEgo:
    Stop. You’re making me homesick for L.A.

    From my offline journal, 2004:

    I had an interesting time the other day in Beverly Hills trying to
    find out if the Rolex I found in the Casa De Toro dumpster was real or not. I got Gordon The Hollywood Anarchist to take me up there in The Pig (my ex-Buick Electra) because he knows the lay of the land.

    Gordon and I arrived at the Rolex Fortress on Wilshire Boulevard
    in Beverly Hills around noon. High noon. While we were driving around and around the block looking for cheap street parking (silly us), we found that we were coincidentally following a big fat white new Roller (Rolls Royce) of which Gordon knew the make, model and pedigree,

    “We’d better turn out from behind these Roller Arabs,” Gordon
    said, going in to his Arab-accent mimic: “Achmed, put away your pipe bombs. There are two infidels in a purple Buick following us!”

    Gordon decided to pull up to the gated, camera’d entrance to the
    Rolex Fortress parking lot. We must’ve presented quite a bumraggled sight to whomever was looking at us through that gate camera: two homeless vets in a three-toned 1989 Buick with a trunk that wouldn’t close all the way. I expected a voice over the gate intercom to tell us that the janitor’s entrance was around back. But there was no voice. The Cycloptian gate camera just looked at us. Maybe we were being scanned.

    Gordon pushed the intercom button and, using his Inspector General Beverly Hills voice, announced curtly, “We have business with Rolex.”

    “Thank you, sir,” the intercom bleated as the gate crossbar sprang up out of our path like the bowing, head down supplicants of a conquered pagan city making a hasty hole in the crowd for the Roman Centurions to pass into the city. We were in.

    We parked and admired Fortress Rolex. It is a three-story gray
    building in the nine thousand block of Wilshire. There were no windows, but no parapets, either. It looked like the Federal Reserve.

    Gordon made some joke as we walked towards the doors about the Rolex Police arresting me on the spot for perhaps bringing them a stolen (or worse than that . . . a FAKE) Rolex, for having the
    unmitigated gall to bring the stench of Inglewood to the very doors of the Rolex Politburo, but I was already nervous enough. I smelled money. Their money. And the smell of other people’s money, when there is a LOT of it, always makes me nervous.


  20. dude, the noob gets the pot, which is what the taxes is when someone has to pay for the chance/community chest stuff.

    also, raw carrots ftw!

    so, I’m a rogue intellectual. awesome.

  21. way to go for taking a simple fun game like monopoly and turning it into a psycho test. Next your going to tell me that candy land is really brain washing by dentists to make us buy more candy and keep them in business. I think thats a run-on sentence. Any one want to edit this comment? Buhler? Buhler?

    Great now I’m going to be scared for life.

  22. Some people play Monopoly and when they are fined anything it goes into the middle of the board, when you land on FREE PARKING you win that pot! I don’t know if it’s part of the rules or not, just know we played it like that a lot when growing up!

    Although while I did time in a Federal Penitentiary we never played it that way! Whoever landed on FREE PARKING got to spend a little quality time with house bitch!

    ps…. I have never been in a federal or any other penitentiary!

  23. When my family played Monopoly, any tax money or fines went under the “Free Parking” corner of the board, so when you landed on Free Parking you got that money 🙂

    Also, I like both cooked AND raw carrots. I love carrots.

  24. haha I just read the last part of your post!

    My sister and I knew it wasn’t in the real rules, but we liked doing it because it meant we could play a game of Monopoly over three days or more (we also allowed a lot of loans from the bank, to each other, etc.). We never started with a deposit on Free Parking though. If you landed there with no money you just had to cry about it.

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