I tried out the TubeCaption site (check out my attempt at captioning your “Farting In Public” video) and it works OK (not perfectly), but I don’t seem to be able to export .sub files.

It was pretty good. As usual, the kids had to put in extra effort to carry the old man’s extra weight.

The tank scenes (which as you said, were obviously from another tank) reminded me of the movie About Schmidt. I was born and raised in Omaha, and so when Jack Nicholson’s character leaves his South Omaha house, drives on a short trip to a North Omaha supermarket, and upon entering, is in a supermarket I know to be on the west end of town, my brain was desperately trying to reconcile the scenes, but it was a doomed venture. That’s sort of how I felt about the tank thing.

On the bright side, now you can honestly say that one of your videos was once compared to a Jack Nicholson film.

Just don’t say which one.

PS-If You read “Homophones” and mentally thought “homophobes”, do me a favor and paypal me $5. Thanks!

I was standing in the middle of my Casa De Toro guard “shack”, looking out through the floor-to-ceiling picture windows at the quiescent pool and jacuzzi, 4 a.m., trying to decide whether to quit the cheap security guard company who had posted me here five months ago or to stay a while longer.

The dumpsters here at Casa De Toro HAVE been good to me. If I leave Sucko Security, I leave the dumpsters. The dumpsters have been trying to get me to stay. In fact, ever since I started thinking about quiting Sucko, the dumpsters have been working overtime to get me to stay, plying me with all sorts of gifts, bribes and shiny little used inducements.

I decided, standing there in the middle of my guard shack Friday night, that the bounty of the dumpsters was the work of the devil. The devil likes to ply people with shiny, worthless things. I have no more room for shiny, worthless thing, so I’m going to quit Sucko’s $8.25 an hour job and apply for Allied Security’s $10 an hour or Securitas’ $9.50 an hour.

Just as I made that decision, I got a spontaneous erection.

“Whoa!” I said, looking down at the rising tent, “Where did YOU come from?” It didn’t answer, just kept rising.

Talking to my penis, I felt like Farmer John when Lassie comes running up to the barn barking about some trouble Little Timmy has gotten himself into:

“What’s wrong boy? Where’s the fire?”

I stepped out of the guard shack, tent and all, using my erection as a sort of divining rod to see where the trouble was, and immediately heard whimpering. Female whimpering. It was coming from the outside of the main entrance gate.

But y’all don’t want to hear this shit. Let’s talk about Closed Captioning!