I’m going to give you a free social-media makeover here, folks. I may not live in social media Heaven, but I’ve had a few “follow the bright light” moments, and have returned with some important messages from Above.
- First- get on Twitter. Microblogging short sentences from the web or your text-enabled phone may seem pointless, but that’s only if you haven’t learned to “follow” anyone who has a cooler life than you. Lie about what you’re doing so people don’t think you’re pathetic. I have more than 1,000 people following me, so that gives my life meaning.
- Now up the game with 12secondtv.com. Follow me. I’ve found I can make 12-second videos from my cell phone while driving. No pesky editing.
- Start ChaCha’ing instead of Googling remotely. Just text any question to 242242, and you get an instant answer. Sometimes they’re not in the mood to write back, but it’s still fun to say.
- Text. Seriously if you don’t text you might as well buy a Brother typewriter and get off the computer. SMS stands for short message um.. something. And then there’s MMS or something. It’s for multimedia. Just text. Or RSS.
- Oh, you think you’re better than me because you’ve been texting for ages? Well screw off. I Jott. You heard me. I call a toll-free number and it transcodes my speech to text for free. Jott can send my spoken words as text to wordpress or twitter or to my administrative assistant Sandy.
- Get iwantsandy. Have no idea what the hell Sandy does, but she’s an administrative assistant. And my real admin happens to be a woman who works in the union and also is named Sandy. She likes crystals. The electronic Sandy has a retro logo.
- Join vloggerheads. You need an invite, and so you’d better contact Nutcheese or someone cool. This is Renetto’s mutiny from YouTube. I showed up yesterday and it was like an insanity floor for disturbed YouTubers. They gave me some orange pills and made me right at home.
- Join Amazon Prime. You get free two-day shipping not to mention social status. Just drop on Twitter or Vloggerheads and say “yeah- I’m Amazon Prime.” What are you? Amazon Light? Whatever. Oh by the way- I get 12 dollars if you join from this link, and there’s a 1 month free trial. Just shut up and join.
- Join iamintown. Oh sorry- that’s in a special beta release. You’ll have to wait.
- Play with FriendFeed. Mine is kinda sparse but you can check out Steve Rubel’s (he’s the vlogger behind micropersuasion). Steve Rubel is on top of new trends even if he doesn’t link to me anymore.
- Watch some of the live shows on blogtv.com. I’m on Sunday nights at 9. Here’s my new account (Nalts) but 105 people are subscribed to my RealNalts account, which I had created when I couldn’t get Nalts.
That’s all you can handle right now. From your perspective, Jott will be a game changer. From my perspective, I just want you to join Amazon Prime because I’ve made about $4 in the past three months on my DVD sales, t-shirts, and stupid ads on kevinnalts.com. You don’t think I’m blogging for f’ing fun do you? Shit I need some flashy porn banners on this blog.