Dear production team,
For years you’ve quietly enjoyed that old Beta tape packed with outtakes of your abusive talent — sharing it only with select friends after dinner (and a cheaper version of the beer your talent drinks on his bloated network expense account). Now you’re seeing your production-crew comrades upload clips of nutcase anchors to YouTube, where the whole world can bask in the wonderfulness of moments. Moments you remember well… like Bill O’Reilly losing his cool.
But you say to yourself, “I may get in trouble if I upload this.” Nonsense. You’ve long since left the domineering and horrid grip of that crack pot. YouTube is anonymous, and it would take an act of God for your former network to get a warrant to even track the ISP from which the clip came (and it would be cost prohibitive, if not bad PR for them to take it further). Don’t let your oppressive talent control you from the grave.
Perhaps you struggle with the ethics of it. To that, you’ll come to your own decision. But consider the utilitarian approach — the minor suffering you inflict upon your former captive will be more than offset by the joy it brings to countless viewers. And keep in mind such moments as when:
- He sent you for coffee and failed to appreciate your degree. Then he complained about the temperature or lack of cream and/or sugar.
- He bitched about the fact that you couldn’t get more information to him by air time. What information gathering had he done before he took full credit?
- She noticed every bad thing that surrounded her, but never got your name right.
- When the network suits showed up, did he once acknowledge your effort behind the scenes?
- How about the fit he threw when the mike wasn’t working? Or because he had to wait 4 minutes for you to adjust the lighting so he wouldn’t later complain that you made him look fat?
- The list goes on. My imagination couldn’t concoct what you have on tape.
Holding a grudge, dear friend, is like drinking poison and expecting your abusive on-air talent to suffer. They’ve long since forgotten you and the torture they inflicted. Now you need to release it. Try years of therapy for catharsis, or one simple upload.
Just set up an anonymous account on YouTube, and upload it! Then post it below by using the video URL when you put in your comment username and URL. Within days the clip will go viral, it will be ripped, and you can then look beyond those dark years of oppression.
Says the floor director to O’Reilly in Barely Political’s O’Reilly remix: “I’ll bounce this binder off that half-inflated basketball you call a face… screw this up again and we’ll send you over to Fox News.”