Alright, the “Cheat sheet for marketers interested in online video” didn’t get a lot of views. And frankly I get more people consuming my content in an hour than read this damned blog in a day.
So to hell with you. Here’s what you should do to get viral, stupid marketers and agencies.
- Spend an assload of money. Put most of it to banner ads that promote your video, but spend at least $250,000 on the production. Only don’t make it look highly produced. Use a $100 videocamera and crappy lighting.
- Don’t worry about what people are saying about your brand. Screw them. Just tell them what they need to know.
- Promote, promote, promote. It should feel like a cable TV advertisement. Throw boobs in there to make sure people pass it along.
- Target 10 million views. Anything less than that and you’re a friggin’ wimp.
- Don’t bother with those that are online-video personalities. Find a good washed-up television personality.
- Make it a rap. The kids love raps.
- Do something really safe to keep your management happy. Remember- your rise on the corporate latter means putting the customer (your boss and his boss) first.
- Steal an idea that works. That “Evolution of Dance” thing was popular. Get MC Hammer to remake it. He’s coming back again.
- Be sure your agency knows the space. That means if they’ve ever shot a video to stream on your product site, then they know viral video. It’s that easy.
- Measurement is so 2007. It’s all about views and perception. Fake some positive comments to show your boss.
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Personal application point: I am now branding myself as a “washed up television personality.”
Somebody forgot to take his meds today.
That was actually from me. My PA quit this morning when I got a death threat from Bin Laden.
Wow! These tips are gold!!!
I can’t believe you would give them away like this. I would think you would want to hold a seminar and charge a killer fee for this stuff.
seriously, though… Keep blogging, I like to read your stuff.
I LOL’d.
whoa, he threw the hail mary!
LOL! Nalts, you hit the nail on the head with this one. Srsly. This is the only way to go viral, man. It costs just as much as regular ol’ advertising, but it’s got a bit more cache to it.
I kid. But apparently, that’s the only way people know how to ‘think outside the box’ with their media distribution. Sad how long it’s taking people to catch on to how this medium works.
Amen brutha. I love you Nalts. Tellin it like it is.
Haha, great post.
I dugg it: http://digg.com/comedy/10_Tips_to_Make_Your_Viral_Video_Project_Suck
Will it make the front page and go viral?
I like this side of you.
great post
for sure you gotta be a bit edgy
You will always have your faithful readers, Nalts, especially sukatra and me, who can’t seem to stop stalking each other in every Nalts-related forum.
“And frankly I get more people consuming my content in an hour than read this damned blog in a day.”
This blog would be absolutely no fun if as many people read it as watched your videos. At least it wouldn’t be for me, and as we all know, that’s what really matters.
Oh, sorry, forgot to mention this. I don’t read the blog. Just the comments.
ruh ro…you, ‘brian’ nalts, were just classified as a ‘webtard’ on gawker.com.
Hey I read your blog, isn’t that all that matters?
)
Sometimes you just gotta say F’ it!!!
11. Make a shit load of money pretending to be an experienced online consultant, buy an island, retire -the end
12. Rinse (blame technology) and repeat step 11.
Congratulations, Brian, on being spotlighted in Gawker, online journalism you can trust to get the facts right. You elevate the concept of ‘webtard’ to new heights! Wish I could get someone to call me one.
Oh this is good advice. Charge. Make money. Buy island. Retire. Die alone.
I’m with you sukatra; I find the comments much more interesting than the blog articles themselves. And if everyone who watched Nalts’ videos commented here, it would be way too much to wade through to find your sparkling bits of wit.
If you make enough money to buy an island, Brian, you surely won’t die alone.
Kev you’re looking at this all wrong, you’ll get to take the wife, the kids and 5 CDs.
Marquis – catch me up whois Brain?
yes, there’s music.
From Gawker.com:
“Brian Nalty, a grown man with a family, is best known for giving his son’s friend a fart-noise machine and videotaping him in a library.”
(see full article from post link)
There you go Marilyn, mocking me again. And hey, what happened to that TRO? I think it’s void if you’re the one who’s stalking me!
Sorry sukatra, I lost my head there for a moment. About the TRO, that is. My life would be empty without being able to read your occasional bits of wisdom.
I can see that my sarcasm is coming back to bite me in the ass.
Nice Nalts, I feel like that seen in Jerry Maguire where he walks into the office after everyone reads “The Memo” and they’re all looking at him, pointing and saying, “finally someone said it” but really they’re thinking, “you’re so fired”
Btw, I gave your cheat sheet some love, of course our blog gets even less traffic than yours so it probably didn’t help much.
http://blog.spunlogic.com/index.php/2008/02/20/what-makes-a-successful-viral-video-other-than-including-michael-cera/
Brain what we need is a national Viral Video Day.
Pick one!