10 Tips for a “Viral Video” Hail Mary

idiot.jpgAlright, the “Cheat sheet for marketers interested in online video” didn’t get a lot of views. And frankly I get more people consuming my content in an hour than read this damned blog in a day.

So to hell with you. Here’s what you should do to get viral, stupid marketers and agencies.

  1. Spend an assload of money. Put most of it to banner ads that promote your video, but spend at least $250,000 on the production. Only don’t make it look highly produced. Use a $100 videocamera and crappy lighting.
  2. Don’t worry about what people are saying about your brand. Screw them. Just tell them what they need to know.
  3. Promote, promote, promote. It should feel like a cable TV advertisement. Throw boobs in there to make sure people pass it along.
  4. Target 10 million views. Anything less than that and you’re a friggin’ wimp.
  5. Don’t bother with those that are online-video personalities. Find a good washed-up television personality.
  6. Make it a rap. The kids love raps.
  7. Do something really safe to keep your management happy. Remember- your rise on the corporate latter means putting the customer (your boss and his boss) first.
  8. Steal an idea that works. That “Evolution of Dance” thing was popular. Get MC Hammer to remake it. He’s coming back again.
  9. Be sure your agency knows the space. That means if they’ve ever shot a video to stream on your product site, then they know viral video. It’s that easy.
  10. Measurement is so 2007. It’s all about views and perception. Fake some positive comments to show your boss.

34 Replies to “10 Tips for a “Viral Video” Hail Mary”

  1. Wow! These tips are gold!!!

    I can’t believe you would give them away like this. I would think you would want to hold a seminar and charge a killer fee for this stuff.

    seriously, though… Keep blogging, I like to read your stuff.

  2. LOL! Nalts, you hit the nail on the head with this one. Srsly. This is the only way to go viral, man. It costs just as much as regular ol’ advertising, but it’s got a bit more cache to it.

    I kid. But apparently, that’s the only way people know how to ‘think outside the box’ with their media distribution. Sad how long it’s taking people to catch on to how this medium works.

  3. You will always have your faithful readers, Nalts, especially sukatra and me, who can’t seem to stop stalking each other in every Nalts-related forum.

  4. “And frankly I get more people consuming my content in an hour than read this damned blog in a day.”

    This blog would be absolutely no fun if as many people read it as watched your videos. At least it wouldn’t be for me, and as we all know, that’s what really matters.

  5. Congratulations, Brian, on being spotlighted in Gawker, online journalism you can trust to get the facts right. You elevate the concept of ‘webtard’ to new heights! Wish I could get someone to call me one.

  6. I’m with you sukatra; I find the comments much more interesting than the blog articles themselves. And if everyone who watched Nalts’ videos commented here, it would be way too much to wade through to find your sparkling bits of wit.

  7. From Gawker.com:
    “Brian Nalty, a grown man with a family, is best known for giving his son’s friend a fart-noise machine and videotaping him in a library.”
    (see full article from post link)

  8. There you go Marilyn, mocking me again. And hey, what happened to that TRO? I think it’s void if you’re the one who’s stalking me!

  9. Sorry sukatra, I lost my head there for a moment. About the TRO, that is. My life would be empty without being able to read your occasional bits of wisdom.

  10. Nice Nalts, I feel like that seen in Jerry Maguire where he walks into the office after everyone reads “The Memo” and they’re all looking at him, pointing and saying, “finally someone said it” but really they’re thinking, “you’re so fired” 🙂

    Btw, I gave your cheat sheet some love, of course our blog gets even less traffic than yours so it probably didn’t help much.


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