Weirdest Techcrunch Comment Contest

Person who comes up with the weirdest comment on the recent TechCrunch story (on my eBook) wins a free piece of autographed cheese. You gotta be identified so I can contact you for an address, though.

Wait! Not here. At the link above. Comment there. It’s funnier. People won’t know what’s happening! 🙂

Author: Nalts

Hi. I'm Nalts.

61 thoughts on “Weirdest Techcrunch Comment Contest”

  1. I told you to burn the crunches didn’t I? Now look what mess you did. Always brun the crunches nalts! They can’t be trusted!

  2. I prefer Wensleydale cheese than cheddar cheese. Do you like hard cheese, or soft cheese? cheese GOOD! 😀

  3. won’t autographing the cheese introduce toxic substances into it? and why cheese?

    am I missing something? (I usually am.)

  4. nalts is my sugar daddy some day i will visit him sleep in his spare room make him coffee (in the nalts cup) eat breakfast with him drive him to work take care of the kids and join in on all the fun…i hope i get to scrub his back when he has a bath after a long day of marketing,., i hope that one day when we’re married he will buy me a video camera so i can sell products on you tube with him..i have no beef with selling stuff on youtube..i hope to help him write better matieral for what the buck…and i want to play with spencer big balls in the garden,..

  5. Its time for movies on demand, like having a theater at your command. Hundreds of flicks from a to z, with comcast see them totaly free. Watch’em from your couch, or in your bed, you can eat popcorn outta my head!

    Cheese? In my what? Huh? No way!

  6. i was sittin on pepperonni, and cheese chased me last night in its panties.

    guess what? there was Nalts writtin on the underwear.

    suspicious.

    somethin cheezy going on?

  7. I hear it’s amazing when the famous purple stuffed worm in flapjaw space with the tuning fork, does a raw blink on hari-kari rock. I need scissors. 61.

  8. What ever happened to Fay Wray

    That delicate satin draped frame

    As it clung to her thigh

    How I started to cry

    For I wanted to be dressed just the same.”

  9. “His intimate friends called him `Candle-ends’, / And his enemies `Toasted-cheese’.”
    “You mightn’t happen to have a piece of cheese about you, now? No? Well, many’s the long night I’ve dreamed of cheese – toasted, mostly.”
    “But I, when I undress me Each night upon my knees Will ask the Lord to bless me, With apple pie and cheese”

  10. your foot sweats out 1 glass of sweat every day – that’s 250 mL!
    there are 100 trace of bacteria per every cm2 on your armpit!
    10% of the weight of a 6 year-old pillow is dust mites and their “waste!”
    camels have 3 eyelids!

  11. Hey Nalts! We dont have juusto in Finland because we dont believe in it. I am a rebel and i believe in juusto. I would like to have some juusto. I heard you have juusto? Can I have some juusto?

    Ps: Oh yeah, “Juusto” means cheese in finnish…

  12. this is good, because, as you may know, I like cheese. Wait…is this real cheese, ala cheddar, or is it corporate cheese (ala moving up the ladder, or SWAG) Either way…I’ll eat it.

  13. This is great. We loraxes love e-books. The truffula trees are a little safer because of this type of thing. For now, at least. And there is less garbage to take to the bin once it has been scanned for mistakes and pithy bits of wisdom. Still, it is amazing what some people will do for what amounts to minimum wage. Altruism in its purest form? Or just a viral video manifesto aimed at quashing those of the Diamond/Nova ilk once and for all? Time will tell.

  14. Nalts has the rare, special talent of pooping cheese. it is a talent that appears only once in a semester. The small intestines digests all food into dairy products. yes, you thought correctly he pees milk, vomits ice-cream, and his farts smell like strawberry-flavored yogurt. Therefore it is mere proof that 2+2=5. Anyone not smart enough to understand this concept should repeat pre-pre school.

  15. yes yes yes, thats all very well and good…but what about the united nations summit in that country that has that thing that that guy does? nobody ever considers the guy in that country with the hat that does that thing!! or is it the guy with the country that does that thing with that hat? oh no… i think its the country with the hat that owns the guy that does that thing that created the ozone layer! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAAAA!!! mmm sorry bout that sometimes when i dont have din dins for a coupla days me bwain go KAZOOT!! hehe oh well at least shirley temple dont have no beef with that cow that makes that stuff that can wipe out entire civilisations in that country that has that guy that does that thing that doesn’t make any sense! looks like its back to the drawing board for me!

  16. For the record, comment #36 is the product of ambien, which as of 4:46 am on Tuesday morning, has still not taken effect.

    It’s not going to be a good day here in the sukatra household.

  17. Given the number of messages we have posted to the TechCrunch site, I think, based on sheer volume alone, you need to award the cheese to BOTH me and sukatra. It’s only fair, Nalts.

    NOW QUIT RUNNING UP CREDIT CARD DEBT AND SEND US THE DAMN CHEESE!!!

  18. At this point nalts, I really don’t give a rat’s ass who you give the damn cheese to. Just make a decision for Christ’s sake. I know, I know, you’ve been wasting all your time on that stupid cambridge’s who’s who thing, and making videos with all the other cool kids, and doing all kinds of important youtube partner shit, and also probably taking care of your family, which in my opinion is a waste of time. Let them take care of themselves. That’s what I do.

    So cut the shit! Get down to business. Make a choice.

    And I lied. I do give a rat’s ass. I want it. I plan to buy a clear plexiglass box and put the cheese in it and then display it on my bookshelf next to the urn that holds the ashes of two of my dead cats. Now that’s a spot of honor. I’ll even make a video of it. Not that you’ll watch it.

    and hey, guess what? Still haven’t been to sleep!!! 9:23 am!! That’s why I’m being such a bitch, Marilyn, even after you graciously offered to share the cheese with me. I’m just a big old beyotch and my day is gonna suck donkey balls. That is, until the klonopin kicks in. Then I’ll be sleeping on a bed of daisies. And Nalts can fed ex the cheese to you, because I won’t be answering the door.

  19. I agree with sukatra: get off your ass, Nalts and make a decision. Some of us have lives outside of YouTube and we need to get on with them. My family is sick of hearing me talk about Nalts and cheese and they have no idea what I’m talking about. All the kids at school today think I’m in a rotten mood and they don’t know why.
    FOR GOD’S SAKE, NALTS, MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!!!!!!

  20. Oh, you guys didn’t get the e-memo? Sukatra and Marilyn…I’ve had the cheese molding in my shaking little hands for 3 days now. I can’t bare to let go of it. Nalts signed it with his fingernail and took a bite off the corner. I can see his teeth impressions! I’ve been holding it about 3mm away from my face! I can’t stop glaring at it! I bought the industrial sized gallon of visine just so I can keep moistening my eyes cause I have them propped open with toothpicks. I think the green mold is starting to form a phrase…maybe a secret phrase from THE MAN himself! I’ll let you know the outcome! Anyone know how to make the stank go away? My hands smell!

    🙂

  21. Sukatra, are you being sarcastic again or do you really mean it? *blushing* I’m not worthy.

    Marilyn, the first piece of rotten, moldy cheese that falls off the chunk is yours my friend! 😉

  22. Jason, what do you mean, am I being sarcastic?? When have I EVER been sarcastic??? My comments are missives of love to the world, full of sweetness and light. I love everybody and everything. I even love Renetto, that fat bald little egomaniac. You have truly hurt my feelings Jason. I feel like I’ve been stabbed in the heart.

    You nasty bastard.

    Yeah, I really meant it. It was a pretty damn funny comment. I couldn’t get over the teeth impressions comments or the shaking hands thing. Good job, slacker!!

  23. *scrambling to figure out how to do a screen capture*

    OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    sukatra liked my comment! Do you see it people!? SUKATRA LIKED MY COMMENT!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!

    Please forgive me, how could I ever doubt your missives full of sunshine and delight and the ever brightening of my whole being everytime my eyes stumble across the name “sukatra’ and am blessed with your transcribed inner hallucinatory psyche and emotional heart! Sorry to have hurt your feelings…might want to get your artificial heart checked out. Hope I didn’t damage it. :o) Thanks sukatra!

  24. Okay, xjasongarciax, who has extraneous x’s in his name solely because he secretly has the hots for xgobobeanx, and he probably stalks her, and I bet she thinks you’re creepy, who is it that’s being sarcastic now?

    By the way, you have totally captured my personality with your “transcribed inner hallucinatory psyche” description of my innermost thoughts. Spooky how well you know me. Maybe it’s me you’re secretly in love with.

    Stalker!!

  25. Last night I had a dream with Nalts, wife of Nalts as well as Charlie. In real life we rent a large farm house in Main and share it with a few other families. Well in this dream Nalts was there with wife and Charlie and I gave them a tour of the house and the grounds. Go figure – oh, and I was totally impressed by Nalts in the dream and even cooked dinner for him. LOL

  26. I, too, dreamt of Nalts. In my dream, he was walking toward me, arms full of cheese, so I wrote him a poem:

    I love cheeses
    I really love to Edam
    Cheeses are Gouda
    I Swiss I could Edam all.

  27. I am so honored that sukatra liked my little poem. I love cheese. My son loves cheese even more. He eats grilled cheese and peanut butter sandwiches; doesn’t that sound gross?

  28. YOU ARE RIDING A BOAT THROUGH THE DESERT AND YOU GET A FLAT TYRE. HOW MANY PENGUINS DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHT BULB?

    BLUE! BECAUSE ICE-CREAM DOESNT WEAR PANTS!

  29. YOU ARE RIDING A BOAT THROUGH THE DESERT AND YOU GET A FLAT TYRE. HOW MANY PENGUINS DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHT BULB?

    BLUE! BECAUSE ICE-CREAM DOESNT WEAR PANTS! ..

  30. when I win that cheese I’m going to eat it and then throw it up and then eat it again just because it came from you, which turns me the hell on. When I get your sweet sweet sweet sweet sweet sweet sweet – (you get the picture) aroma when my piece of cheese arrives in the mail I while orgasm and cum all around my tight white briefs, making them even more white without Daz Perfect Whites. I’ll serve it up on a plate and melt it with my nachos. My face will fidget and fidget while my eyes roll around in the back of my head and I think of you and your sexy body, you turn me on with those big babylons baby. I want your big sloppy sausage up inside my inner rectum of my chunky solar system. Please grant me this wish and I will hope you fuck me one in return. Yours ever so faithfully (faith in you sending me that fuckable lump of crud) Argothar

  31. i got a piece of cheese stuck in my butt once and it traumatized me.

    where beez da cheese?!

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